Today: The future will in fact be predicted.
At 5pm today, the mass email will be sent - check your in-box.
This communiqué has been secretly worked by a consortium of pontificators and predictors from more than half the counties on earth. This is the most significant document to be released since humans began walking upright.
Once the future is announced, our minds will be put at ease. No more will we need to listen to pie-in-the-sky theories about flying cars and jet-packs. The days of wondering if tomorrow will be better than today are over.
We live in a very special time in history where the brightest minds have been given the task of predicting the future and today, we hear the results.
I feel much better, don't you?