How Are You?

Three words we say countless times every day. But how often do we wait for the answer, and more importantly, how often do we give the real answer? 

Everyone we know is going through something and it takes humility to understand someone's behavior could be affected by something going on in their life. It's been attributed to a few people but still true that far too often we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. 

Pass the salt

I was in a situation last week where three of us were out for lunch. One buddy is going through a horrific divorce and the other friend doesn't know him all that well. Cue the awkward when friend number two decides to drop into friend number one's situation (which has been going on for two years) and lob a bunch of advice. Suffice it to say, the lunch ended abruptly. 

Hey, intentionally or unintentionally, we all do it and often we don't mean it. We want to help, offer some advice, and without proper context, purpose solutions. The most difficult challenge in the human condition is our emotional health. 

One in One

If you say you've never had an incident in your life, you're fooling yourself. We have all had at least one and most of us a lot more than one. It's not a splint for a dislocated shoulder or a cast for a fractured ankle; it's a confusing stream of physically undetectable symptoms we can't often describe. 

What bothers me may not even occur to you. What makes you doubtful might not register on my radar. Which gets us back to the compassion of others. So, let's try it this week. Ask someone how they are doing and wait for the answer. 

 You might be helping someone more than you know. __________________________________________________________________

The Human App

At an early age, we’re told to be brave. Don’t whine or I’ll give you something to cry about. We are not born with fear, but it rears its ugly head early on, sometimes through innocuous events. A bit here, a smidgen there, and suddenly we are thrust into the world where others are told to be brave and not cry and not show their insecurities.

We climb the ladder, finish the project, attend the meeting, rush to the event, answer that email, respond to that request, get on that conference call, make that flight, make eye contact, smile brightly, and we keep running.

Splash in the face

We get caught in our own race and suddenly run into an old friend and find out what’s going with them. An event, a loss, a choice, and suddenly our challenges don’t seem so unique. Multiple that by the employees of an entire company and suddenly you can see how creating a collaborative culture can be elusive.

Some say we live this life alone – I disagree. We live this life together. It doesn’t mean we can carry each other’s burden but we can certainly lighten each other’s load when we can. A mentor once said we must remember our team members are not cogs in some wheel, they are people with feelings and challenges and dreams and goals.

The human element

Perhaps it's easier to stare at our screens and play with our gadgets, but we are missing an essential piece of life when we do that. I can send you a text and hope the message is clear or we can use the free phone app on our phones to discuss it properly.

We must remember that in order to create a collaborative culture, we can’t forget the element which is far more important than any product or service.

Each other.
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Leader List

Here's a post I found while looking through old notes. This was way before the pandemic so let's see if this is still relevant. 

• Stop hiding behind email
• Don’t avoid difficult conversations and have them with respect and compassion
• Keep meetings to 30 minutes and on topic
• Allow all voices to be heard
• Be clear on expectations
• Don’t play favorites
• Be of service to your team/department/company; not the other way around
• Allow creativity to flourish
• Don’t evade conflict
• Remember every person on the team is just as important as any person
• Hold yourself and others accountable
• Show up when things get difficult
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Count to Four

We all know we are flawed and make mistakes. We know we don’t have it all figured out. And we know there's work to do. But part of finding clarity is discovering the joy in work rather than the seemingly unattainable finish line.

Clutter makes us nervous and stressed. It can derail us from our goals. Clarity can help us find our baseline and silence some of that unnecessary noise.

To gain clarity, there are four questions you can ask yourself and your team.

1. What do you stand for?
2. What will you not do?
3. Why do you do what you do?
4. What won't you do?
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Pablo's Pen

To anyone’s measurement, Pablo Picasso was one of the most talented artists of all time. His complicated life mixed with inspired work continues to make him a fascinating subject to study and learn about. 

As legend has it, Pablo and a friend were having lunch one day and one of the other patrons recognized the great master. After some hesitation, she approached him with a napkin. She asked Picasso if he would take a moment and do a quick drawing for her. 

 He said it would cost one million dollars. Shocked, she questioned why a simple drawing would be that much. Picasso replied that it took him thirty years to perfect his talent and it is not free. 

We shouldn't put a price on every moment of the day, and none of us is Picasso, but we should be careful not to always give away our experience simply because it would take just a minute to share it. 

Free is rarely free. 

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Useless Fun Facts

We are all way too serious. The internet is jammed with bad news, sad news, and idiots espousing that their theories and opinions are the only valid ones. 

I thought it was time for a break. Feel free to use these useless facts for fun; maybe impress your friends; to create interest; or to store in your big brain for no absolutely good reason. 

Here we go... 

Salt used to be used as currency. Pogonophobia is the fear of beards. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Queen Elizabeth II was trained as a truck driver and mechanic during World War II.

Movie trailers got their name because they were originally shown at the end of the movie. Your fingernails grow faster on your dominant hand. 

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours, and they have six legs but can’t walk. Right handed people, on average, live nine years longer than left handed people. A snail can sleep for three years. 

There's more...

Women see more colors and have more tastebuds than men. There are 32 muscles in a cat’s ear. Over a hundred acres of pizza is consumed in the US every day. The average person has four to six dreams a night. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. 

Animals that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons. Your body contains about 100,000 miles of blood vessels. According to the Bible, the chicken came before the egg. 

Women hiccup less than men. Those metal studs on your jeans are placed on certain spots to add extra support where the denim is more likely to wear out and rip. Jupiter is twice as large as all the other planets combined. 

And this...

Riding roller coasters can help you pass kidney stones. The first email was sent by Ray Tomlinson to himself in 1971. Mosquitoes are attracted to people who eat bananas. 

Almonds are members of the peach family. Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down. A piece of paper can be folded no more than nine times. 

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Bees have five eyes. The average person spends six months of their life sitting at red lights. 

Now you know.

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Know Care Want

You do it; I do it; everyone does it. We have stuff we want or need to do and we find every excuse available not to do it. In my coaching days, after some self-reflection, I came up with three motivating factors that I seem to slip into when faced with this issue and those are; want, know, or care. 

I know salad is better for me than onion rings but I don't always pick salad. I could learn how to change the oil in my car, but I don't want to so I get the oil place to do it. I may know how to clean a bathroom, which I've done a thousand times, but I don't care to do it even though I do.

This TEDTalk is from a bunch of years ago and it rings just as true as when it was first published. Mel Robbins makes a bold proclamation which is absolutely dead on true. 

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What's Your Why?

This isn't a book review or a paid post; this is simply something I wanted to share which may help you as well. I do quite a bit of reading and I usually gravitate to books that end up being more like life manuals. 

For that reason, I often read them more than once and get the audiobook for the car. I've read the book twice and I'm now on my second round with the audiobook of Find Your Why by Simon Sinek. Earlier this year, I listened to one of his previous works; Start With Why for the third time.

Clearly Stated

I was in a client meeting last week and we discussed this phenomena. This is a team who clearly knows why their company exists and why they chose to work there which was refreshing. In my experience, leaders can often clearly articulate what their company does, makes, or provides, but struggle with the deeper meaning behind it all.  

We don't need to give any credence to those barking online how their opinions are all-knowing and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. I want to know why I do, act, and think certain ways. I want to gain more insight into why I may make decisions that don't serve me. You might feel the same way.  

Discovering Why

Find Your Why is an excellent companion to the earlier work because it dives into our true purpose and what ignites our passion. It's a thought-provoking book that takes you on a journey of self-discovery. Sinek presents insights and advice that can help all of us uncover our personal and professional why. 

One of the highlights for me is when he discusses the power of purpose-driven living. This is when we are able to align our actions with our core values and beliefs.

Emotional Roadmap

If we can understand our why, we can get closer to what will bring us fulfillment and make a meaningful impact in our personal and professional life. I review this book often to keep myself focused but it also helps you help others find their why. 

The benefit of that is in professional and personal relationships. How better will the relationship with your partner be if you can gain more understanding of why they like certain things, gravitate to certain activities, and choose particular career paths? How valuable will it be for you to be able share yours with them?

It might be worth consideration.

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Dropping the Carry-On

I was recently in a heated discussion with a friend about an event that happened years ago. The details are irrelevant but he was still so upset about what happened. The actual issue was solved, no one lost money, no one got hurt, but he has been carrying this around for about a decade.

I told him that we could get the top class from Harvard, the brightest scientists from NASA, and the most talented business leaders from the Fortune 500, and we would be able to do nothing about changing the past. And it finally hit him. He agreed and discovered he was carrying around resentment or whatever it was because of ego. He was stuck in the spot where he was before this innocuous event occurred. It had absolutely nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with his reaction. 

Let it go

It got me wondering how often we do that. Big or small, something happens. And years later when it's no longer even important, we have galvanized a story in our minds of what may or may not have happened. Eckhardt Tolle once said the past is what we recall, the future will never arrive, and all we have is now.

It's true but not easy to grasp when you add in human emotions, winning or losing, and results. A friend used to say a phrase that made me upset which is - it will be whatever it is according to the outcome. Also true. But also hard to grasp.

Two guys, one girl, and a bike

So how do we let go of all this unnecessary emotional carry-on luggage in our lives? It seems if we just decide to drop it, it's dropped. It's akin to forgiveness. Once you forgive, you move on. It's done. We waste so much time trying to rewrite history and protect ourselves instead of moving on.

Think about the last time you recounted a story from your childhood to a friend. We humans have this tendency to exaggerate both negative and positive experiences. My friend David didn't break my bike, I did, but I told my mom it was his fault then convinced myself it was true. We were five. 

I met David for lunch years later and he brought up the story. He was laughing about how that bike was so important to me back then. He did steal my first girlfriend in grade two but I've been able to let that slide.

Less baggage does wonders for our journey.

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We So Scared

Many opine we aren't born with fear but as we go through our lives, it seems we take less chances and become more cautious. It could be because we've experienced things that haven't gone well. It could be because we think we have more wisdom so not to make foolish choices. That voice in our head says; "let's not do that again!"

Experts have been studying this for years and in an article entitled "Decision Neuroscience: Why We Become More Cautious with Age", there is sound evidence which suggests at least part of the reason is physical. As we age, the levels of dopamine in our bodies declines. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and a hormone. It plays a role in many important body functions, including movement, memory and pleasurable reward and motivation. We might be smart but our physiological makeup does have a say in the matter without our interference. 

Age and Ageing 

So that might point to why we rolled the dice at 20 and hesitated at 50. We were born with the ability to reason but we are also made up of chemical elements that don't ask for our input and can become our biggest foe.  

I've had to make a couple of pretty significant decisions in the last few years. One of them I belabored over for weeks. I had a similar situation happen almost two decades ago and I jumped at it. I did make the move again this time but I was aware of how I gave downside more weight than opportunity. 

Hormone levels and age may make us pause a bit longer or fear a bit more but here might be an exercise worth trying. Find something small you are thinking about right now. It could literally be something so insignificant, it might not even matter next week. Take five minutes and try and think of you a decade or two ago and make the decision through that lens. You might surprise yourself.

But I'm still not bungie jumping! 

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Yeah, What He Gestured

Communication is at the cornerstone of our lives. We email, text, tweet, phone, meet, talk, tiktok, and connect because we have an inherent need to belong. And there are countless studies out there that point to the way we receive communication. 

One of the most adopted and accepted appeared in a book published in 1971 by Albert Mehrabian entitled Silent Messages. His research found that the person receiving our messages gives 55% of their attention on our body language and eye contact, 38% to our tone, and just 7% to our words. So how we say it carries more weight than what we say. It's interesting that Mehrabian's research still holds true 52 years later. 

 According to the professor, non-verbal cues carry 93% of the weight of communication. So we should probably think about how that can help us strengthen or hinder in our relationships and culture in our businesses. 

Enough said.

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Finding Our Thing

It’s often said we should find something we’re passionate about and do it. We'll cool let's do that! Now why are we unhappy again? Oh yeah, because we often have absolutely no idea what are truly passionate about and worse how to even achieve it.  

In his latest book, “Love + Work”, author, speaker, and consultant Marcus Buckingham examines how our lives and our careers are forever intertwined. He writes finding something we love doesn't mean it's going to be nirvana all the time but rather we will find love within it and the challenges will be easier to overcome. Have you ever lost track of time doing something? Yeah that. 

Buckingham also reminds us no one will ever be exactly the same as each of us. No one who has ever existed or will ever exist will be exactly like you. Celebrate that. 

Perfection is impossible.  

We live in woke times. Some have deemed themselves the grand jury of all opinion. Here's the deal, I won't judge you, you don't judge me, and we'll be good. You do stuff you will love most of the time and I'll do that same. I may love auto racing but I won't insult you if you have a passion for flower arranging. It's not my call! 

No one has any right to tell you what you think or feel, nor does anyone have the right to tell you what or who you love. Life is not a zero-sum game to be won. As its own name defines, it is living breathing inaccurate flawed experience. Yet for some reason we measure ourselves against perfection. 

This is your life. Tell her how you feel. Look for another line of work. Stop letting others decide for you. Love who you want, do what you want, don't let others tell you what's best for you. I'm not proclaiming I don't have that doubtful voice in my head most of the time which I wish would shut up, but let's see if we can shift our thinking together.

To me, that sounds like a good plan.

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The Power of Music

It has the ability to evoke deep emotions and transport us to another time and place. It's an art form that has been an integral part of human culture for thousands of years, and continues to play a significant role in our lives today. The impact of music on our lives is undeniable and it can be quite personal.

Music has a way of bridging the gap between individuals and creating a sense of community. It can serve as a unifying force, breaking down cultural, linguistic, and socioeconomic barriers, and bring people together in a shared experience. Or simply a way to loosen the mood at the board meeting.

A Tool for Self-Expression 

For many musicians and songwriters, the creative process of writing and performing music is a way to convey their emotions, experiences, and perspectives to the world. It is a way for them to connect with their audience, and to inspire and empower others. 

The impact of music on our emotions is well documented. It's why music is often used in therapy, to help individuals express their feelings, heal from injuries, and work through challenging emotions. The Canadian Music Therapy Fund exists for that very reason.

Culture and Context 

Music is also an important part of our cultural heritage. From classical compositions to indigenous folk songs, music is a testament to the creativity and ingenuity of our predecessors, and serves as a reminder of the importance of preserving our cultural heritage for future generations.

Whether you're a musician, music lover, or simply someone who appreciates the power of a good tune, the impact of music on our lives is irrefutable, and we should never underestimate its ability to enrich and transform us. 

I must now crank my ear buds. _________________________________________________________________

Asparagus and a Sun Roof

Perhaps this has happed to you; it's happening to me a lot lately. You have a dream where you know most if not all the people in it, but you are all in a different scenario. 

Years ago I had a recurring one where I opened the door to the office and it was a grocery store. Everyone working in the store were current colleagues. My boss was working the cash and my assistant was managing the produce department. 

Recently, random people keep showing up in the most bizarre situations in my dreams again. In one, I was working at a car dealership and a former colleague whom I haven't seen in two decades and has since passed away came into the store. 

It's you again.

I knew I was dreaming but it was so vivid. She worked in another department and we didn't know each other well. Why did she show up and why in such a strange scenario? 

Our brains are fascinating factories of facts and instructions. Why do we store the most inane things in there but can't find our keys? I often ponder what life would be like if it was like it is in our dreams. 

And then I wake up. 

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Convenient Misremembering

Merriam-Webster defines selective memory as "an ability to remember some facts while apparently forgetting others; especially when they are inconvenient." It goes on to say; "the ability to retrieve certain facts and events but not others." 

You and I may have been at that same dinner when Bob spilled his wine on Sarah's dress and recount it with a different point of view. I thought Sarah was taunting Bob while you saw Bob as unprovoked and inebriated. It might have simply been an accident with no malice by either.

Details and distractions 

Think about a time when you lost most if not all memory of a situation. I've been on the earth long enough that there are gaps of my history I don't remember. That doesn't mean I have deficiencies or those events didn't happen, but rather I've filed them in some badly labeled box in the basement of my brain. Often with a few added details, I can recount them. I'm sure you've experienced the same. 

It's not that we don't remember or we are being selective, but rather the experiences are packed away because they're not important at the moment. Sometimes events that happened twenty years ago feel as clear as if they had happened this morning while there are days I don't remember what I had for breakfast the day before. 

Sometimes it's inconvenient; sometimes it's unimportant.  

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Burnout or Quietly Quit?

The global consulting firm Deloitte recently published a study on burnout. It's a sobering reminder of the challenges that many of us are facing in today's fast-paced and demanding work environment. The pandemic completely changed entire industries. Many are back in the office full-time; some are doing a hybrid schedule; and others may never go back to the cubicle. This adds complexity to workplace culture and how leaders lead their teams.

The survey found 77% of full-time US employees have experienced burnout at their current job, and over half have faced it multiple times. While companies may be offering well-being programs to address stress in the workplace. 70% of professionals feel their employers are not doing enough to prevent or alleviate burnout. I live in Canada and I'll bet the numbers are similar here. 

Workplace Culture

But it's not just about the programs. The survey also found workplace culture plays a big role in preventing burnout. The top driver of burnout cited was lack of support or recognition from leadership, and a quarter of respondents said they never or rarely take all their vacation days. I can relate! 

The survey also found 84% of millennials have experienced burnout at their current job, with nearly half saying they've left a job because they felt burned out. It's a concerning trend, and it highlights the importance of addressing burnout in the workplace. Quiet quitting has crept into our vernacular since the beginning of the pandemic. 

Preventing Burnout

It's not just about offering well-being programs or a supportive workplace culture. It's about creating a holistic approach that recognizes and values the well-being of employees. Here's a thought; if you're a leader, ask them how they are doing rather than always focusing conversations on output and results of their work.

It's a critical issue, and it's time for companies to step up and create a work environment that promotes well-being and prevents burnout. The workday is no longer punching in at 8:30am, taking the standard one-hour lunch break, and punching out at 5pm. We aren't robots; we are humans, and there's a lot going on that may not be related to our work but certainly affects it. AI may be dominating the zeitgeist but it’s my hope we don’t forget the human connection. 

A good place to start is with an honest conversation.

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Checkng the List

I recently found this list I posted back in 2011. If we review, I think we find that all of these are still valid and some are even more important twelve years later.

Read more, skim less. Turn your phone off once in a while. Don't wait for approval. 

Forget the past. Spend more time with people you love. Dream big; do bigger. Be gracious. Make quick decisions. Stop comparing your effort to others. Enjoy the ride.

Stop doing anything that weakens you. Trust yourself. Take a digital day off.

Keep an open mind. Plan ahead then be flexible. Ask for help. Help someone without their knowledge it was you who helped them.

Go for it. Eradicate unnecessary meetings. Eat the cookie. Listen more. Sing often.

Say thank-you. Trust your gut. Make time for think time. Don't wait.

Find the lesson. Keep learning. Thank a friend. Take the nap.

Don’t settle. Collaborate. Consume more funny. Good enough is not good enough.

Be yourself.

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No Shame Required

If you got a call from a friend or loved one who asked you to help them as they had just broken their arm, what would you do? You would obviously drop what you were doing, drive to their location, and take them to the hospital.  

Here's another scenario. What would you do if that same friend or loved one called you to say they were having some emotional issues? Dr. Sangu Delle shares his story about a dear friend who needed his help. 

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Too Much Information?

We say it several times a day. We meet a client, see a friend, join a Zoom call, and the first thing we often say is; "How are you?" The reply is often;"I'm good, you?". And we move on. Why do we do that? Is it uncomfortable if someone said they were tired because their baby is sick or down because of their ailing father or upset due to their marriage having trouble?

I get there is a right time and place for personal stuff but without oversharing, how can we take that original salutation just an inch farther? I'm not suggesting fake compassion; I'm referring to the real stuff. Take just twenty seconds to see how someone is doing. You aren't there to solve their challenge but rather to simply be human. We're not robots and there might be much more going on if someone isn't "making their numbers".

Leave it at home

I am lucky to work in a company and with a team who does take a moment to see how you are really doing and let you know they actually see you as a person. It doesn't weaken relationships, it strengthens them.

I feel the core of teamwork is having each other's backsides not our own. Hopefully others feel the same way. If someone is missing deadlines or their work quality is waning, it's time for a check in and see if they are truly okay. Work is not a place to spend your time talking about your kids and home life all day. We are humans not robots and if we think people shouldn't bring their life to work, we may have another challenge.

They might stop bringing their work to life. 

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Google – Year in Search 2022

Every year, Google publishes the most popular searches of the past 12 months. 

Here are the 2022 results which might surprise and inspire you...

Here are 2021 to 2001

 

 

2009 • 2008 • 2007 • 2006 • 2005 • 2004 • 2003 • 2002 • 2001 

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