April 24, 2025

Stay Out of the Shallow End

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet all those rock stars years ago?" I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. My college friend wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look oudside can give us better perspective inside
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April 11, 2025

Two Wheels and a Trunk

I was thinking about a situation that happened a couple of years ago that sucked. Life moved on but I still think about it. I've asked numerous people if they have events they relive in their heads over and over again. The answer is almost always yes because most of us do. But why is that?

I'm not suggesting we don't relive happy memories, but the challenges seem to cut deeper for some reason. Is it perhaps because we are still learning a lesson? I know this, the more we try and not think about those events, the more we think about them. If I was to ask you to not think about an orange elephant riding a motorcycle  good luck getting that image out of your head!

Beware of the Lizard Brain

I'd consider myself a fairly smart dude, so why can't I just tell myself to stop letting something that has already happened, which I cannot change, continue to bug me? It has to do with the part of the limbic system in our brains that is in charge of fight, flight, feed, fear, or freeze. It is our survival mechanism which decides what we do next if we are experiencing stress. It's why we can't seem to get started on the project even though we know the deadline looms.

If we have a situation, current or past, real or imagined, it will react immediately. If we are experiencing or have experienced pain, it will focus solely on that moment. When I think of that event, it's as if I am reliving it over and over again. 

Negative vs Positive

Perhaps this is more prevalent in Western culture, but we seem to do it more often when remembering negative situations over joyous ones. Do we think we don't deserve joy and need to pay for pain? I'm obviously not a psychologist but I think there's something to that. Our frontal lobe is in charge of reasoning, motor skills, higher level cognition, and expressive language. So our complicated brain starts to fight with itself. 

I've started an exercise and like most when you begin, I'm terrible at it, but I'm trying to think of five positive things in my life or events that have happened whenever a negative thought or memory crosses my mind. When I can do it successfully, it actually works. So perhaps you can try it if you can't seem to get past a negative event in your past.

I wonder how the elephant balances on that motorcycle? 
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