Flight Fear Fight

In my experience, if we are currently faced with something we think we can’t accomplish, we can get clear on what we want, what drives us, and what makes us happy. Then we ask those around us for help, or we freeze in fear and nothing gets done.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Let's Dig Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of our existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. 

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Finding that quite place in this busy lizard brain is my challenge. Allowing gratitude for those who help takes practice. There are people in our lives right now who want to help. 

 We just need to pay attention and accept their help.
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Stay Out of the Shallow End

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet all those rock stars years ago?" I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. My college friend wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look oudside can give us better perspective inside

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Extrointraextrovert

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
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How Are You?

Three words we say countless times every day. But how often do we wait for the answer, and more importantly, how often do we give the real answer? 

Everyone we know is going through something and it takes humility to understand someone's behavior could be affected by something going on in their life. It's been attributed to a few people but still true that far too often we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. 

Pass the salt

I was in a situation last week where three of us were out for lunch. One buddy is going through a horrific divorce and the other friend doesn't know him all that well. Cue the awkward when friend number two decides to drop into friend number one's situation (which has been going on for two years) and lob a bunch of advice. Suffice it to say, the lunch ended abruptly. 

Hey, intentionally or unintentionally, we all do it and often we don't mean it. We want to help, offer some advice, and without proper context, purpose solutions. The most difficult challenge in the human condition is our emotional health. 

One in One

If you say you've never had an incident in your life, you're fooling yourself. We have all had at least one and most of us a lot more than one. It's not a splint for a dislocated shoulder or a cast for a fractured ankle; it's a confusing stream of physically undetectable symptoms we can't often describe. 

What bothers me may not even occur to you. What makes you doubtful might not register on my radar. Which gets us back to the compassion of others. So, let's try it this week. Ask someone how they are doing and wait for the answer. 

 You might help someone more than you know. __________________________________________________________________

The Human App

At an early age, we’re told to be brave. Don’t whine or I’ll give you something to cry about. We are not born with fear, but it rears its ugly head early on, sometimes through innocuous events. A bit here, a smidgen there, and suddenly we are thrust into the world where others are told to be brave and not cry and not show their insecurities.

We climb the ladder, finish the project, attend the meeting, rush to the event, answer that email, respond to that request, get on that conference call, make that flight, make eye contact, smile brightly, and we keep running.

Splash in the face

We get caught in our own race and suddenly run into an old friend and find out what’s going with them. An event, a loss, a choice, and suddenly our challenges don’t seem so unique. Multiple that by the employees of an entire company and suddenly you can see how creating a collaborative culture can be elusive.

Some say we live this life alone – I disagree. We live this life together. It doesn’t mean we can carry each other’s burden but we can certainly lighten each other’s load when we can. A mentor once said we must remember our team members are not cogs in some wheel, they are people with feelings and challenges and dreams and goals.

The human element

Perhaps it's easier to stare at our screens and play with our gadgets, but we are missing an essential piece of life when we do that. I can send you a text and hope the message is clear or we can use the free phone app on our phones to discuss it properly.

We must remember that in order to create a collaborative culture, we can’t forget the element which is far more important than any product or service.

Each other.
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Dropping the Carry-On

I was recently in a heated discussion with a friend about an event that happened years ago. The details are irrelevant but he was still so upset about what happened. The actual issue was solved, no one lost money, no one got hurt, but he has been carrying this around for about a decade.

I told him that we could get the top class from Harvard, the brightest scientists from NASA, and the most talented business leaders from the Fortune 500, and we would be able to do nothing about changing the past. And it finally hit him. He agreed and discovered he was carrying around resentment or whatever it was because of ego. He was stuck in the spot where he was before this innocuous event occurred. It had absolutely nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with his reaction. 

Let it go

It got me wondering how often we do that. Big or small, something happens. And years later when it's no longer even important, we have galvanized a story in our minds of what may or may not have happened. Eckhardt Tolle once said the past is what we recall, the future will never arrive, and all we have is now.

It's true but not easy to grasp when you add in human emotions, winning or losing, and results. A friend used to say a phrase that made me upset which is - it will be whatever it is according to the outcome. Also true. But also hard to grasp.

Two guys, one girl, and a bike

So how do we let go of all this unnecessary emotional carry-on luggage in our lives? It seems if we just decide to drop it, it's dropped. It's akin to forgiveness. Once you forgive, you move on. It's done. We waste so much time trying to rewrite history and protect ourselves instead of moving on.

Think about the last time you recounted a story from your childhood to a friend. We humans have this tendency to exaggerate both negative and positive experiences. My friend David didn't break my bike, I did, but I told my mom it was his fault then convinced myself it was true. We were five. 

I met David for lunch years later and he brought up the story. He was laughing about how that bike was so important to me back then. He did steal my first girlfriend in grade two but I've been able to let that slide.

Less baggage does wonders for our journey.

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Asparagus and a Sun Roof

Perhaps this has happed to you; it's happening to me a lot lately. You have a dream where you know most if not all the people in it, but you are all in a different scenario. 

Years ago I had a recurring one where I opened the door to the office and it was a grocery store. Everyone working in the store were current colleagues. My boss was working the cash and my assistant was managing the produce department. 

Recently, random people keep showing up in the most bizarre situations in my dreams again. In one, I was working at a car dealership and a former colleague whom I haven't seen in two decades and has since passed away came into the store. 

It's you again.

I knew I was dreaming but it was so vivid. She worked in another department and we didn't know each other well. Why did she show up and why in such a strange scenario? 

Our brains are fascinating factories of facts and instructions. Why do we store the most inane things in there but can't find our keys? I often ponder what life would be like if it was like it is in our dreams. 

And then I wake up. 

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Checkng the List

I recently found this list I posted back in 2011. If we review, I think we find that all of these are still valid and some are even more important twelve years later.

Read more, skim less. Turn your phone off once in a while. Don't wait for approval. 

Forget the past. Spend more time with people you love. Dream big; do bigger. Be gracious. Make quick decisions. Stop comparing your effort to others. Enjoy the ride.

Stop doing anything that weakens you. Trust yourself. Take a digital day off.

Keep an open mind. Plan ahead then be flexible. Ask for help. Help someone without their knowledge it was you who helped them.

Go for it. Eradicate unnecessary meetings. Eat the cookie. Listen more. Sing often.

Say thank-you. Trust your gut. Make time for think time. Don't wait.

Find the lesson. Keep learning. Thank a friend. Take the nap.

Don’t settle. Collaborate. Consume more funny. Good enough is not good enough.

Be yourself.

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No Shame Required

If you got a call from a friend or loved one who asked you to help them as they had just broken their arm, what would you do? You would obviously drop what you were doing, drive to their location, and take them to the hospital.  

Here's another scenario. What would you do if that same friend or loved one called you to say they were having some emotional issues? Dr. Sangu Delle shares his story about a dear friend who needed his help. 

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Share Don't Compare

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet U2?" It was awesome but I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. Unlike most, working in radio caused some to know of my work. My college chum wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look outside can often give us better perspective inside. 

__________________________________________________________________

I Don't Want Fries With That

As I tried on the suit for the first time in three years, I suddenly realized how the pandemic had affected me on a level I was ignoring. I can't speak for you, but the last couple of years have been challenging and my midriff has paid for it.

As I was donating the suit to a local clothing drive, I realized I had avoided it. Yeah, I put on a few pounds, okay, more than a few pounds and it wasn't the pandemic's fault. It was the guy who avoids mirrors and buys larger tshirts' fault. 

First world problems

Millions around the world won't have a nutritious meal today. My growing girth is not a calamity. It has been caused by a guy who has been working from home the last two plus years who needs to get off his backside, lose the carbs, and stop making excuses. You may also be this guy. 

The emotional toll the pandemic has caused for literally billions is a much larger issue than my waistline and despite the fact losing weight needs to be a top priority for me, I also need to accept that these last couple of years have knocked me down emotionally. I'm sure they have done the same to you. So while I lose the weight and you deal with your situation, let's agree something.  

Let's be kind to each other and compassionate to all of us.

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Help is on the Way

In my experience, if we are currently faced with something we think we can’t accomplish, we can get clear on what we want, what drives us, and what makes us happy. Then we ask those around us for help, or we freeze in fear and nothing gets done.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Let's Dig Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of our existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. 

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Finding that quite place in this busy lizard brain is my challenge. Allowing gratitude for those who help takes practice. There are people in our lives right now who want to help. 

 We just need to pay attention and accept their help.
__________________________________________________________________

Introextrointroverts Unite

I'm an extroverted introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but must have alone time to recharge. Some days I prefer to work in my office and the phone calls, emails, and Zooms are enough people for me. In fact, my introverted traits are getting stronger as I get older. 

I am an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I am influenced by intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system as well.

A Mixed Bag

When I look at the people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know quiet and impersonal are not accurate descriptions of an introvert. Those in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. 

Being an introvert does not mean you dislike people and need to be alone all the time. I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure. 

No Calls Please

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long. It is funny to note that he hates phone calls and will prefer to text if he has to use the phone at all.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. Our differences make our lives interesting.

Labels might be good for clothing but not for people. ________________________________________________________________

Intraextrointrovert

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
__________________________________________________________________

Human Networking

At an early age, we’re told to be brave. Don’t whine or I’ll give you something to cry about. We are not born with fear, but it rears its ugly head early on, sometimes through innocuous events. A bit here, a smidgen there, and suddenly we are thrust into the world where others are told to be brave and not cry and not show their insecurities.

We climb the ladder, finish the project, attend the meeting, rush to the event, answer that email, respond to that request, get on that conference call, make that flight, make eye contact, smile brightly, and we keep running.

Splash in the face

We get caught in our own race and suddenly run into an old friend and find out what’s going with them. An event, a loss, a choice, and suddenly our challenges don’t seem so unique. Multiple that by the employees of an entire company and suddenly you can see how creating a collaborative culture can be elusive.

Some say we live this life alone – I disagree. We live this life together. It doesn’t mean we can carry each other’s burden but we can certainly lighten each other’s load when we can. A mentor once said we must remember our team members are not cogs in some wheel, they are people with feelings and challenges and dreams and goals.

The human element

Perhaps it's easier to stare at our screens and play with our gadgets, but we are missing an essential piece of life when we do that. I can send you a text and hope the message is clear or we can use the free phone app on our phones to discuss it properly.

We must remember that in order to create a collaborative culture, we can’t forget the element which is far more important than any product or service.

One another.
__________________________________________________________________

Find and Seek

In my experience, if you are currently faced with something you think you can’t accomplish, you can if you are willing to get clear on what you want, what drives you, and what makes you happy. And this is a critical ingredient; open your heart to those around you who want to help.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Looking Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of your existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. We need to understand there are people on our side and when help arrives, we need to be grateful because we help others without hesitation.

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Allowing gratitude for those who help can require practice. Understanding we can go after what we want if we disallow distractions and self-doubt to derail us is a key element of the journey.  There are people in our lives right now who want to help.

It’s up to us to let them and be grateful they did.
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Fits Like a Glove

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
__________________________________________________________________

Labels and People

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Mix it up

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure. Sadly, the highest ranking official wins the day and the organization loses an opportunity for both to thrive.

Person to Person

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment advisor who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world.

Teamwork and culture are not achieved by insisting everyone homogenizes into one sanitized process but rather by respecting personality traits and gifts. The combination can be magical which is why open collaborative leadership is critical.

Labels are for clothing not people.
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Screens and Faces

At an early age, we’re told to be brave. Don’t whine or I’ll give you something to cry about. We are not born with fear, but it rears its ugly head early on, sometimes through innocuous events. A bit here, a smidge there, and suddenly we are thrust into the world where others are told to be brave and not cry and not show their insecurities.

We climb the ladder, finish the project, attend the meeting, rush to the event, answer that email, respond to that request, get on that conference call, make that flight, make eye contact, smile brightly, and we keep running.

Splash in the face

We get caught in our own race and suddenly run into an old friend and find out what’s going with them. An event, a loss, a choice, and suddenly our challenges don’t seem so unique. Multiple that by the employees of an entire company and suddenly you can see how creating a collaborative culture can be elusive.

Some say we live this life alone – I disagree. We live this life together. It doesn’t mean we can carry each other’s burden but we can certainly lighten each other’s load when we can. A mentor once said we must remember our team members are not cogs in some wheel, they are people with feelings and challenges and dreams and goals.

The human element

Perhaps it's easier to stare at our screens and play with our gadgets, but we are missing an essential piece of life when we do that. I can send you a text and hope the message is clear or we can use the free phone app on our phones to discuss it properly.

We must remember that in order to create a collaborative culture, we can’t forget the element which is far more important than any product or service.

Each other.
__________________________________________________________________

Asking and Listening

We admire those who seem crystal clear on their calling, their goals, and their passions. Most of us perhaps just think we are clear. But it can be tough when mortgages and car payments and our myriad responsibilities can crush our day. Corporations often compensate people for being agreeable and not making a fuss.

To get clear, I think we need to stop thinking the answer is one crisp well-crafted sentence. We can get clear by deciding what we don't want to do, who we may want to avoid, who could be a good fit, and how we want to spend the rest of our lives.

Here's an idea; let's reach out to two people tomorrow who will help us and tell us the truth and have that open conversation. Share that big idea you have, get some feedback, and ask them for one idea that may push it forward. Saying no is easy, finding out how is where the work resides.

Let’s be open for real answers.
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