Deciding to Decide

We make decisions all day long. Most are easy. What to eat; which route to take; whether to answer that email now or later. Then there are the decisions that stay with us - the ones we discuss with people we trust and sometimes avoid altogether. We often expect decisions to come with certainty. They don't.

Important decisions are made without having all the information or knowing exactly what will happen. At some point, we have to make the best decision we can with what we know. I've made plenty of decisions in my life that I may make differently today. I'm sure you can make that claim as well. That's not regret; it's experience.

Time vs Avoid 

Sometimes we need more information. Sometimes we're simply afraid of being wrong. Not making a decision is still a decision. Staying in the same job; hoping the relationship that isn't working suddenly works; or continuing down a road we know isn't going to end well, has consequences.

Good decisions aren't always popular. Sometimes we have to say no, change direction, walk away, or admit we were wrong. The important part is owning the decision. If it works, learn from it. If it doesn't, learn from that too. Blaming someone else doesn't make us better at making decisions. We don't need to get every decision right. There's rarely a perfect decision. It's also the most frustrating.

 Now, what's for lunch?

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Work + Love + Other Life Stuff

It’s often said we should find something we’re passionate about and do it. We'll cool let's do that! Now why are we unhappy again? Oh yeah, because we often have absolutely no idea what are truly passionate about and worse how to even achieve it.

In his book, “Love + Work”, author, speaker, and consultant Marcus Buckingham examines how our lives and our careers are forever intertwined. He writes finding something we love doesn't mean it's going to be nirvana all the time but rather we will find love within it and the challenges will be easier to overcome. Have you ever lost track of time doing something? Yeah that.

Buckingham also reminds us no one will ever be exactly the same as each of us. No one who has ever existed or will ever exist will be exactly like you. Celebrate that.

Perfection is impossible.

We live in woke times. Some have deemed themselves the grand jury of all opinion. Here's the deal, I won't judge you, you don't judge me, and we'll be good. You do stuff you will love most of the time and I'll do that same. I may love auto racing but I won't insult you if you have a passion for flower arranging. It's not my call!

No one has any right to tell you what you think or feel, nor does anyone have the right to tell you what or who you love. Life is not a zero-sum game to be won. As its own name defines, it is living breathing inaccurate flawed experience. Yet for some reason we measure ourselves against perfection.

This is your life. Tell her how you feel. Look for another line of work. Stop letting others decide for you. Love who you want, do what you want, don't let others tell you what's best for you. I'm not proclaiming I don't have that doubtful voice in my head most of the time which I wish would shut up, but let's see if we can shift our thinking together.

That might be a good plan. ____________________________________________________________

Want Next What

You've said it; you’ve heard it; you’ve been asked it - what do you want? It’s a huge question and most of us have a list. It’s too much to ask. I want to be financially stable. I want a puppy. I want to have millions. I want to retire. I want to live in a lakefront mansion and sip iced tea all day.

We all dream of winning the lottery. We all let our minds wander to places where we perceive our problems will vanish and life will be endless bliss. It's like the old story of the nine year old boy who is once asked; "So Sam, what do you want to be when you grow up?" and Sam quickly replies; "I wanna be rich!" 

Tougher Done Than Said

It took me years to grasp the concept of the fear of success. It sounded counterintuitive. The fear of failure, to me, is easy to understand. You don't want to fall on your face or run out of money or have to give up things you have your life. The embarrassment of failing is terrible. But, what about our fear of what we will do if what we try actually works? How will you handle the responsibility of that dream coming true?

The marketing genius Seth Godin once challenged that it's easier to fail small. Complaining about the fact we never amount to anything or we're not meant to win or no one ever gives us a break, is way easier than the unwavering persistence required to achieve something we want.

It's Way Too Big

In my opinion, it's easy to say you want a Bugatti Veyron because odds are pretty good it will never happen. It's much more difficult to identify the small shifts we need to make every day to get to the bigger dreams we possess. My business partner and I have been working on a project for close to a year. There are days we wonder if we are out of our minds. But each day, you push a bit more, ask a little bit more, and keep at it. Giving up now will only make us forever wonder what if we had kept going. 

You have dreams. You have things you want to accomplish. You have stuff that may feel a little out of reach. But I'm willing to bet if you suspend those for just today and think about what you could do right now to get what you need right now or your next want, over time, those bigger things will come clearer into focus. 

Let's try that and see what happens.

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Stress and a Couch

Merriam-Webster defines stress as to cause or experience physical or emotional tension. It's not an object we can put in our hand or pour into a glass. It's felt on an emotional level, but it can be just as real as a punch in the face. A lot of people are talking and writing about stress these days. A global pandemic will do that.   

You have family and career and health and finances and deadlines and all the other items on your list called your life. The layers seep into each other and affect the results of everything. If you're stressed about the health of a loved one, your work is probably going to take a second seat. If you have financial issues, your family may suffer.  

Real or Imagined? 

You have a deadline for today. A client is waiting and it absolutely has to be delivered. That's stress. Add to that, your boss has called you four times to remind you of the deadline and adds revisions each time. That's added stress. Your partner calls and your child is sick. Then the client calls and wants to ditch the whole idea and start over. That's about when you're ready to throw your laptop. 

I have mentioned this several hundred times on this site, but if I talk about self-inflicted, self-doubt, or self-stress, I know of it only too well. That's where we get into the weeds, as my business partner would say. The client has changed the scope, the kid has the sniffles, and your boss has added useless additions to the deck that is now scrapped.

Reversed Delegation 

A former boss walked into my office one morning just to say hi and see how was I doing. He could tell I was stressed. He asked me what the issues were and if he could help. I admitted I simply had too much on my plate and I didn't want to miss a deadline. 

I usually have a written to-do list next to my laptop and he asked to see it. He grabbed a pen and started putting a line through a lot of the items and handed it back. But I needed to know how he could just arbitrarily take stuff on my list. 

Their List 

He said he had been in most of the meetings where the items were raised, but for some reason I had added them to my to-do list. He told me to send them back to the people who came up with them, ask them to flush them out, and bring them back to me with more ideas of how to accomplish them. He said most of the items will disappear. He told me I was suffering from a serious ailment – reverse delegation.  

The lesson for me was that real deadlines can cause stress but self-created ones that shouldn't be on our list only complicate our lives. Stress is part of life's recipe but we don't need to add any unnecessary ingredients. We can discuss not making everything on our to-do list a top priority in another post. 

Stress is part of life. Adding more than necessary isn't required.

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Stay Out of the Shallow End

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet all those rock stars years ago?" I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. My college friend wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look oudside can give us better perspective inside

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Time May Change Me

Change is a concept that seems to drive us, win elections, looks great on a t-shirt, and creates stress. We hear the word and feel two immediate and visceral responses: things will improve for us and everyone will need to change but us. Things need to change around here, but I'm fine!

We love the idea of it; the cozy non-committal nature of talking about it. It's as if the world was covered in magic dust and all is well. "They need to change." "We need to bring about change." "Change is gonna come." It all sounds so good, doesn't it?

Someday does not appear on the calendar

To most, change is about control and standing still while others make the shift. You may be one who thrives on change but be careful when you want to instill it on others. They too may like the theory but will define it to fit their own convenience. Who among us admits to be part of the problem?

We want things to change but often under our rules and our guidelines. And whenever you include anything or anyone outside of your own mind, the grip must be loosened or collaboration becomes a challenge. 

Actual change verses talking about change is the key. __________________________________________________________________

Life Life Balance

We say it several times a day. We meet a client, see a friend, join a Zoom call, and the first thing we often say is; "How are you?" The reply is often;"I'm good, you?". And we move on. Why do we do that? Is it uncomfortable if someone said they were tired because their baby is sick or down because of their ailing father or upset due to their marriage having trouble?

I get there is a right time and place for personal stuff but without oversharing, how can we take that original salutation just an inch farther? I'm not suggesting fake compassion; I'm referring to the real stuff. Take just twenty seconds to see how someone is doing. You aren't there to solve their challenge but rather to simply be human. We're not robots and there might be much more going on if someone isn't "making their numbers".

Leave it at home

I am lucky to work in a company and with a team who does take a moment to see how you are really doing and let you know they actually see you as a person. It doesn't weaken relationships, it strengthens them.

I feel the core of teamwork is having each other's backsides not our own. Hopefully others feel the same way. If someone is missing deadlines or their work quality is waning, it's time for a check in and see if they are truly okay. Work is not a place to spend your time talking about your kids and home life all day. We are humans not robots and if we think people shouldn't bring their life to work, we may have another challenge.

They might stop bringing their work to life. 

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Are You Ready?

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.” Hugh Laurie 

The second anniversary is not far off. It was the day we heard the phrase - Global Pandemic. It began somewhere far away and quickly became something every human on the planet deals with every day. The coronavirus, Covid-19, variants, vaccines, masks, protests, economies, it's all been too much and we're not out of the woods.

Are We Ready? 

When I was a kid, my parents would try and tell me to enjoy life and not get too caught up in the minutiae. I was always close to my mom, but during the last few years of her life, we had even better conversations about her life, my life, and life in general. This is a woman who put me, my sister, and my dad on her back and somehow got us through. She worked from the age of 14 until she retired at 71. She passed away in August 2020 mere months after this global crisis began. She was born during the second world war and died during the worst human crisis in over a century. 

If I had told mom I wanted to be a clown in a rodeo, she would have told me to be the best clown any rodeo has ever had with no judgement. The pandemic has made me more reflective and I put my words to actions late last year when I took another leap in my professional life. I took a shot at something I'd never done before and so far so good. In fact, it's been excellent. Mom was right; don't worry about what others think.

Let's Stop Comparing 

One of the most overused cliches is that no one will wish they had spent more time at the office as they take their last breath. How do we know that? And if we replaced the phrase "at the office" with "going for it", that's a more powerful statement. As Mr. Laurie says, why wait until we're ready to do anything because we'll never be ready. The world has forever changed and normal left the building in March 2020. So let's take the leap.

If we're waiting for a sign, it's right in front of us. Change your career, get out of that crappy relationship, buy the damn car, if you like the hat then wear the hat, eat the cookie, stop overthinking everything. If you want that relationship, go for it. If you want to try that new job, don't wait for an invitation. Put the mobile device or laptop down and do it before you are ready. 

If we're never ready, then why are we waiting?

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Sales for a Day

Yes, we're all in sales, but I'm referring to a career that has defined metrics. You sell, you survive. You don't sell, your commission is affected. You park your laptop on a desk in the “sales department” kind of sales. You have numbers you need to hit this quarter, kind of sales. You eat what you kill, kind of sales. It's one thing for your performance to be measured by how you do your job. It's much different to be judged by the actual money you actually bring in the actual door. 

Sales is the transference of trust, so you must build strong relationships. Sales can be a grind and not for those with delicate digestive tracts. It's common for those not in sales to think the sales department will do anything for a buck. After all, they are rewarded in their pay stubs if they sell more stuff. That couldn't be farther from the truth. If you don't respect and believe in what you're selling, making numbers will be a guess at best. 

Numbers and People 

I've spent almost twenty years of my career selling myself long before selling any product or service. That isn't an easy process and the self-ringing phone has yet to be invented. Sales is not easy, but if you have the right product or service, and most importantly, support of your team and management, it can be exciting and rewarding. 

To those in sales, you have my upmost gratitude and respect. To those who are not in a sales role, I have an idea for you – try it for just one day.

You will gain a entire new perspective.

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Burn Baby Burn?

We've heard it since we were kids. It's sage advice, but not always possible in the heat of the moment. I'll tell you a quick story of when I could have burned a bridge, chose not to, and it changed my life completely. 

Over twenty years ago, I was working in an organization going through significant employee reductions. The day came when the envelope was slid toward me on the desk and I was walking to my car with eight years of my career in a box under my arm. 

Life Isn't Fair

I was hurt and angry. I could have called them every name imaginable. My choice was to take a deep breath, force my chin up, and move on with my life. It was incredibly difficult. Three years later, the company called me back and I was there for another seven. 

That original decision not to burn that bridge, propelled me into other opportunities. Most of the other people who were gassed that day, burned the bridge and the river it was on and never worked in the industry again. 

 Lessons Learned

Sometimes we get the short end of the stick and that sucks. But I learned from that experience and many since; if you are a good person and you don't stab people in the back, it will pay back huge dividends. 

I'm working on a project right now that requires me to call numerous people I once worked with, partnered with, did projects with, and I am happy to report they're taking my call. I'm not suggesting every call turns into millions nor am I saying that it's enough to move this project forward on its own.

Your Character Precedes You 

If I had been a complete jerk and burned bridges along the way, those calls would have gone unanswered. Our reputation goes farther than we even know. 

If you're human with people, respect their time, and ask for their advice, you will be surprised what happens. They will help, they will suggest ideas, and they will make other introductions for you.

If we burn bridges, we better be prepared to do a lot of swimming.

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Actual Intelligence

If you've ever spent time with a group of people from the same industry which you're not a part, you begin to sense the have their own sayings, short forms, and acronyms. It’s almost as if they are speaking another language; their own language. 

Years ago, I was consulting a large pharma company and on one of our conference calls, I asked them to translate into English. At first, they were confused, but then they laughed and understood. 

 What do You Mean? 

We think we’re being clear, but we have to understand that our thoughts may not align with others’ understanding. When we take the time to step back, breathe, and gain more insight into how others are perceiving us, we stand a better chance of understanding each other and at times ourselves. 

 Technical speak and industry specifics are often needed, but sometimes boiling things down to the most basic level is the best way to avoid misinterpretation. If we take a moment and suspend our beliefs to check for understanding, conflict can be avoided and teamwork can be improved. 

Data in. Data out.

One idea is to find someone outside our circle to ask their opinion. Their lack of industry knowledge might unlock some questions we hadn't considered. As the AI frenzy continues, this may become a larger issue. Someone asks you to write a technical document on your work. 

You plug in what you can into the AI generation interface. It spits out what you think is a well-crafted piece you can share with the team. Then you realize self-creating data works best when the data that's fed into it is actually accurate. The real issue is when a human being starts asking questions about the content you didn't write or understand. 

Good luck!

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How About Now?

There's never a good time to buy a new house. It's not the right time to have a baby. I'd be better to wait a bit longer and not take the gig. She will probably say no, so it's better I don't bother. We often look for reasons not to do something, which we discuss in greater detail in a future post, than just go for it. 

I was speaking with a good buddy the other day and this subject must have come up a dozen times in a phone call that lasted less than half an hour. He's working on a new business venture and deciding what moves to make now and what to push to the future. In each case, doing it later seemed like the wise decision. 

Deciding to Decide 

The late legendary musician Neil Peart of the band Rush once wrote; "There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance. A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill."

Even if we decide to defer something until later, we have made a decision. But why does it often seem easier to put things off? Well, I think one reason might be that we don't have to deal with the consequence of our decision. But as Peart reminds us, then we have to deal with the fallout of not making the call.

Daily Choices

We make a thousand decisions each day from what we'll have to breakfast to whether or not to buy that new car and a multitude in between. So this theory may ring true with you - there's actually never a good time to do anything. Other than breathing, ensuring we drink enough water, and eat enough food to sustain life, the rest are decisions. 

We could sell all our stuff and move to a cabin in the woods. We could quit our jobs and start our own business. We could throw some clothes in a duffle bag and hitchhike across the country. We could do something on the "some day" list. We could decide not to let our lack of decision be our fate.  

But let's decide that later.  

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What? Why? What?

We all know we are flawed and make mistakes. We know we don’t have it all figured out. And we know there's work to do. But part of finding clarity is discovering the joy in work rather than the seemingly unattainable finish line.

Clutter makes us nervous and stressed. It can derail us from our goals. Clarity can help us find our baseline and silence some of that unnecessary noise.

To gain clarity, there are four questions you can ask yourself and your team.

1. What do you stand for?
2. What will you not do?
3. Why do you do what you do?
4. What won't you do?
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Costa Rico or Costco?

I do wake up at 4am wondering if my life is fulfilled. It may not be the same time on the clock for you, but I'm going to guess I'm not alone. I worked with a guy early in my career who was instrumental in my professional development. He was awesome, in fact. And he passed away last year. He was about 15 years older than me and now I'm thinking about what will I do in the next decade and a half that will matter. 

I get lost. I get scared. Sometimes I don't know what to do next. Occasionally I forget that I do have gifts to give the world and just to keep going. I can say the same for you. There are times when I wonder if it will all work out. Of course, worrying with no action won't get me anywhere, so I give myself a mental kick in the backside and keep going. 

What Have We Learned? 

I spoke with a colleague this week I hadn't spoken with in probably a decade. She and her partner are thinking seriously about dumping their careers, selling their house, getting rid of most of their stuff, and moving to Costa Rica to help others. That's so cool and brave. 

I don't suggest we have to go to those lengths to find happiness, but doing the same crap we've been doing for the last couple of decades may not be working either. So yeah, there are early mornings when I wonder what I could be doing to better my life and the lives of others. And that's okay because I will be more worried when I stop thinking about those things. 

You?

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Me Myself and Them?

In grade school, we were new at the relationship thing, so we usually gravited to kids who shared our interests and were just like ourselves. As we grew older, we hung out with kids who liked what we like just like ourselves.

As we entered the workplace, we grabbed a drink with the people who seemed to be cool just like ourselves. As we built our careers, had grown up relationships, and even raised a family, we would spend our fleeting spare time talking and hanging out with old friends just like ourselves.

What do you think?

When we ask for opinions, it's easy to ask for input from people just like ourselves. The challenge is to break through those norms we have built since grade school and ask new opinions, fresh perspectives, and maybe even contradictive points of view.

I don't remember who said it, but the adage goes like this: when you're building your business, tell your friends and family all about it; get that out of your system; then get the real work of building your business. I'm not sure we should gloss over the first part. 

We spend our formative years with people just like ourselves and then we are told to be open to people who are not like ourselves. That might be wise counsel as long as we don't devalue our own opinions and thoughts.

Our opinion counts too.

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Leader List

Here's a post I found while looking through old notes. This was way before the pandemic so let's see if this is still relevant. 

• Stop hiding behind email
• Don’t avoid difficult conversations and have them with respect and compassion
• Keep meetings to 30 minutes and on topic
• Allow all voices to be heard
• Be clear on expectations
• Don’t play favorites
• Be of service to your team/department/company; not the other way around
• Allow creativity to flourish
• Don’t evade conflict
• Remember every person on the team is just as important as any person
• Hold yourself and others accountable
• Show up when things get difficult
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Count to Four

We all know we are flawed and make mistakes. We know we don’t have it all figured out. And we know there's work to do. But part of finding clarity is discovering the joy in work rather than the seemingly unattainable finish line.

Clutter makes us nervous and stressed. It can derail us from our goals. Clarity can help us find our baseline and silence some of that unnecessary noise.

To gain clarity, there are four questions you can ask yourself and your team.

1. What do you stand for?
2. What will you not do?
3. Why do you do what you do?
4. What won't you do?
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Finding Our Thing

It’s often said we should find something we’re passionate about and do it. We'll cool let's do that! Now why are we unhappy again? Oh yeah, because we often have absolutely no idea what are truly passionate about and worse how to even achieve it.  

In his latest book, “Love + Work”, author, speaker, and consultant Marcus Buckingham examines how our lives and our careers are forever intertwined. He writes finding something we love doesn't mean it's going to be nirvana all the time but rather we will find love within it and the challenges will be easier to overcome. Have you ever lost track of time doing something? Yeah that. 

Buckingham also reminds us no one will ever be exactly the same as each of us. No one who has ever existed or will ever exist will be exactly like you. Celebrate that. 

Perfection is impossible.  

We live in woke times. Some have deemed themselves the grand jury of all opinion. Here's the deal, I won't judge you, you don't judge me, and we'll be good. You do stuff you will love most of the time and I'll do that same. I may love auto racing but I won't insult you if you have a passion for flower arranging. It's not my call! 

No one has any right to tell you what you think or feel, nor does anyone have the right to tell you what or who you love. Life is not a zero-sum game to be won. As its own name defines, it is living breathing inaccurate flawed experience. Yet for some reason we measure ourselves against perfection. 

This is your life. Tell her how you feel. Look for another line of work. Stop letting others decide for you. Love who you want, do what you want, don't let others tell you what's best for you. I'm not proclaiming I don't have that doubtful voice in my head most of the time which I wish would shut up, but let's see if we can shift our thinking together.

To me, that sounds like a good plan.

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It's Not The Right Time...

There's never a good time to buy a new house. It's not the right time to have a baby. I'd be better to wait a bit longer and not take the gig. She will probably say no, so it's better I don't bother. We often look for reasons not to do something, which we discuss in greater detail in a future post, than just go for it. 

I was speaking with a good buddy the other day and this subject must have come up a dozen times in a phone call that lasted less than half an hour. He's working on a new business venture and deciding what moves to make now and what to push to the future. In each case, doing it later seemed like the wise decision. 

Deciding to Decide 

The late legendary musician Neil Peart of the band Rush once wrote; "There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance. A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill."

Even if we decide to defer something until later, we have made a decision. But why does it often seem easier to put things off? Well, I think one reason might be that we don't have to deal with the consequence of our decision. But as Peart reminds us, then we have to deal with the fallout of not making the call.

Daily Choices

We make a thousand decisions each day from what we'll have to breakfast to whether or not to buy that new car and a multitude in between. So this theory may ring true with you - there's actually never a good time to do anything. Other than breathing, ensuring we drink enough water, and eat enough food to sustain life, the rest are decisions. 

We could sell all our stuff and move to a cabin in the woods. We could quit our jobs and start our own business. We could throw some clothes in a duffle bag and hitchhike across the country. We could do something on the "some day" list. We could decide not to let our lack of decision be our fate.  

But let's decide that later.  

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Share Don't Compare

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet U2?" It was awesome but I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. Unlike most, working in radio caused some to know of my work. My college chum wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look outside can often give us better perspective inside. 

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