Stress and a Couch

Merriam-Webster defines stress as to cause or experience physical or emotional tension. It's not an object we can put in our hand or pour into a glass. It's felt on an emotional level, but it can be just as real as a punch in the face. A lot of people are talking and writing about stress these days. A global pandemic will do that.   

You have family and career and health and finances and deadlines and all the other items on your list called your life. The layers seep into each other and affect the results of everything. If you're stressed about the health of a loved one, your work is probably going to take a second seat. If you have financial issues, your family may suffer.  

Real or Imagined? 

You have a deadline for today. A client is waiting and it absolutely has to be delivered. That's stress. Add to that, your boss has called you four times to remind you of the deadline and adds revisions each time. That's added stress. Your partner calls and your child is sick. Then the client calls and wants to ditch the whole idea and start over. That's about when you're ready to throw your laptop. 

I have mentioned this several hundred times on this site, but if I talk about self-inflicted, self-doubt, or self-stress, I know of it only too well. That's where we get into the weeds, as my business partner would say. The client has changed the scope, the kid has the sniffles, and your boss has added useless additions to the deck that is now scrapped.

Reversed Delegation 

A former boss walked into my office one morning just to say hi and see how was I doing. He could tell I was stressed. He asked me what the issues were and if he could help. I admitted I simply had too much on my plate and I didn't want to miss a deadline. 

I usually have a written to-do list next to my laptop and he asked to see it. He grabbed a pen and started putting a line through a lot of the items and handed it back. But I needed to know how he could just arbitrarily take stuff on my list. 

Their List 

He said he had been in most of the meetings where the items were raised, but for some reason I had added them to my to-do list. He told me to send them back to the people who came up with them, ask them to flush them out, and bring them back to me with more ideas of how to accomplish them. He said most of the items will disappear. He told me I was suffering from a serious ailment – reverse delegation.  

The lesson for me was that real deadlines can cause stress but self-created ones that shouldn't be on our list only complicate our lives. Stress is part of life's recipe but we don't need to add any unnecessary ingredients. We can discuss not making everything on our to-do list a top priority in another post. 

Stress is part of life. Adding more than necessary isn't required.

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Life Life Balance

We say it several times a day. We meet a client, see a friend, join a Zoom call, and the first thing we often say is; "How are you?" The reply is often;"I'm good, you?". And we move on. Why do we do that? Is it uncomfortable if someone said they were tired because their baby is sick or down because of their ailing father or upset due to their marriage having trouble?

I get there is a right time and place for personal stuff but without oversharing, how can we take that original salutation just an inch farther? I'm not suggesting fake compassion; I'm referring to the real stuff. Take just twenty seconds to see how someone is doing. You aren't there to solve their challenge but rather to simply be human. We're not robots and there might be much more going on if someone isn't "making their numbers".

Leave it at home

I am lucky to work in a company and with a team who does take a moment to see how you are really doing and let you know they actually see you as a person. It doesn't weaken relationships, it strengthens them.

I feel the core of teamwork is having each other's backsides not our own. Hopefully others feel the same way. If someone is missing deadlines or their work quality is waning, it's time for a check in and see if they are truly okay. Work is not a place to spend your time talking about your kids and home life all day. We are humans not robots and if we think people shouldn't bring their life to work, we may have another challenge.

They might stop bringing their work to life. 

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Opinion v Belief

The Oxford Dictionary defines the word belief as; an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. Oxford defines the word opinion as; your feelings or thoughts about someone or something, void of proven fact.  

Which side decides which belief or opinion is true? Is it the guy who uses ALL CAPS to make his point? Is it the dirtbag who became president and when caught in a lie, doubles down with another lie? Some won't accept a fact even with overwhelming evidence if it doesn't serve their agenda. 

Facts are irrelevant. 

US politics is a dumpster fire but the red team does a good job of taking the win when they win but blaming all other humans when they lose. That's what five year olds do. What a spectacular way to get yourself out of every jam in your life. It's literally never your fault. Try it with your boss the next time you miss an important client deadline. 

Despite one shred of evidence, millions still believe the 2020 US election was stolen. Apparently if you call something a witch hunt and fake news long enough, some will believe you. If you don't get your way, apparently acting like a giant baby is the way to go. I live in Canada and it's like watching the WWE from the cheap seats.  

Many who start the rumor only care about winning at all costs. Their belief is irrelevant as long as they serve their opinion. But that's just my belief and opinion, of course.

I'll get the popcorn.

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Sales for a Day

Yes, we're all in sales, but I'm referring to a career that has defined metrics. You sell, you survive. You don't sell, your commission is affected. You park your laptop on a desk in the “sales department” kind of sales. You have numbers you need to hit this quarter, kind of sales. You eat what you kill, kind of sales. It's one thing for your performance to be measured by how you do your job. It's much different to be judged by the actual money you actually bring in the actual door. 

Sales is the transference of trust, so you must build strong relationships. Sales can be a grind and not for those with delicate digestive tracts. It's common for those not in sales to think the sales department will do anything for a buck. After all, they are rewarded in their pay stubs if they sell more stuff. That couldn't be farther from the truth. If you don't respect and believe in what you're selling, making numbers will be a guess at best. 

Numbers and People 

I've spent almost twenty years of my career selling myself long before selling any product or service. That isn't an easy process and the self-ringing phone has yet to be invented. Sales is not easy, but if you have the right product or service, and most importantly, support of your team and management, it can be exciting and rewarding. 

To those in sales, you have my upmost gratitude and respect. To those who are not in a sales role, I have an idea for you – try it for just one day.

You will gain a entire new perspective.

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Extrointraextrovert

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
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Introextrointroverts Unite

I'm an extroverted introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but must have alone time to recharge. Some days I prefer to work in my office and the phone calls, emails, and Zooms are enough people for me. In fact, my introverted traits are getting stronger as I get older. 

I am an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I am influenced by intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system as well.

A Mixed Bag

When I look at the people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know quiet and impersonal are not accurate descriptions of an introvert. Those in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. 

Being an introvert does not mean you dislike people and need to be alone all the time. I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure. 

No Calls Please

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long. It is funny to note that he hates phone calls and will prefer to text if he has to use the phone at all.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. Our differences make our lives interesting.

Labels might be good for clothing but not for people. ________________________________________________________________

What is Stress?

Merriam-Webster defines stress as to cause or experience physical or emotional tension. It's not an object we can put in our hand or pour into a glass. It's felt on an emotional level, but it can be just as real as a punch in the face. A lot of people are talking and writing about stress these days. A global pandemic will do that.   

You have family and career and health and finances and deadlines and all the other items on your list called your life. The layers seep into each other and affect the results of everything. If you're stressed about the health of a loved one, your work is probably going to take a second seat. If you have financial issues, your family may suffer.  

Real or Imagined? 

You have a deadline for today. A client is waiting and it absolutely has to be delivered. That's stress. Add to that, your boss has called you four times to remind you of the deadline and adds revisions each time. That's added stress. Your partner calls and your child is sick. Then the client calls and wants to ditch the whole idea and start over. That's about when you're ready to throw your laptop. 

I have mentioned this several hundred times on this site, but if I talk about self-inflicted, self-doubt, or self-stress, I know of it only too well. That's where we get into the weeds, as my business partner would say. The client has changed the scope, the kid has the sniffles, and your boss has added useless additions to the deck that is now scrapped.

Reversed Delegation 

A former boss walked into my office one morning just to say hi and see how was I doing. He could tell I was stressed. He asked me what the issues were and if he could help. I admitted I simply had too much on my plate and I didn't want to miss a deadline. 

I usually have a written to-do list next to my laptop and he asked to see it. He grabbed a pen and started putting a line through a lot of the items and handed it back. But I needed to know how he could just arbitrarily take stuff on my list. 

Their List 

He said he had been in most of the meetings where the items were raised, but for some reason I had added them to my to-do list. He told me to send them back to the people who came up with them, ask them to flush them out, and bring them back to me with more ideas of how to accomplish them. He said most of the items will disappear. He told me I was suffering from a serious ailment – reverse delegation.  

The lesson for me was that real deadlines can cause stress but self-created ones that shouldn't be on our list only complicate our lives. Stress is part of life's recipe but we don't need to add any unnecessary ingredients. We can discuss not making everything on our to-do list a top priority in another post. 

Stress is part of life. Adding more than necessary isn't required.

 _____________________________________________________________

Intraextrointrovert

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
__________________________________________________________________

Solving Selling Struggling

Think about the last time you walked into a store and the clerk was on you from the second your foot crossed their front door. You probably quickly told them you were just looking because your personal space was crushed by someone trying to sell you something even though you were in their store.

Now imagine you're at a networking event and you meet John who shoves his card in your hand before you can say hello and starts telling you what he has to offer.

You feel yourself backing up and scanning the room for a few gulps of fresh air, a lifeline, a way out.  John's approach is a bit much so you recoil. You quickly realize the room is full of two types of people - sellers and those who are too scared to sell.

Beyond the Elevator

We need to know how best to explain what we stand for and how we help others. Even the painter does more than slap paint on a wall. She may enhance the feel of the office while it blends with the dark cherry desk and black leather chair.

So before walking in a room to sell your wares or greet new customers in your space, figure out how you can help them and the process may be smoother. This isn't an issue exclusive to service providers and small business owners.

Even big companies struggle with this stuff.
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Walk Away and Ask for Help

Have you ever felt yourself shut down and think no solution seemed plausible? There never seems to be enough time, money, resources, people, sunlight, matching socks, peace and quiet, food, good shows on TV, shelter, budget, gas in the tank. Though new socks every morning would be sweet!

At times, we put ourselves into a corner and begin to read the new reality as our only choice. "We have no budget for that" replaces "is this a good idea?"

Maybe it's time to replace no’s with some how’s. 
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Now

Karen Lamb said a year from now you will wish you had started today while Jim Rohn said if you really want to do something, you'll find a way, if you don't, you'll find an excuse. We all have ideas we don’t act on. We may be waiting for the best time, more money, or permission. We may be out of excuses and left with one option.

The best time is probably right now.
__________________________________________________________________

Are You in Sales?

Yes, we're "all in sales", but I'm referring to a career that has defined metrics. You sell, you survive. You don't sell, your commission is affected. You park your laptop on a desk in the “sales department” kind of sales. You have numbers you need to hit this quarter, kind of sales. You eat what you kill, kind of sales.

It's one thing for your performance to be measured by how you do your job. It's much different to be judged by the actual money you actually bring in the actual door. Sales is the transference of trust, so you must build strong relationships. Sales can be a grind and not for those with delicate digestive tracts.

To anyone in sales – you have my gratitude and respect.
To anyone not in sales – try it for one day.
__________________________________________________________________

Is it Magic?

There are a thousand ways we can go with leadership development and talent training but without knowing the specifics, it can be a lot of activity with disappointing results.

The best way, in my experience, to build anything is to include everyone. This isn't to suggest you take the committee approach forever, but you need to find the waterline. Here's one simple tactic you may want to try if your company or department or team are stuck. Give everyone the day off.

You read that right. Without letting important deadlines or projects drop, give the team a work day away from the office to think and gather their thoughts. Then it's time to get back together and do a brainstorming session. I love to facilitate these because it allows everyone to have a voice and ideas to be streamlined into realistic and executable chunks. So wave your magic wand and dream big. Then get to work.

It will be worth it.
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Two Boats

The news reports are telling residents to leave town. The authorities are feverishly going around the city to gather up those who don’t have the means to do it themselves and all the while Bill has decided he is going to stay in his home and wait out the storm.

Stubborn rarely wins

A few hours later the rain is coming down in sheets. Bill is forced out of his home and onto his roof where the water is now five feet deep on his street. Two police officers in a motorboat come by to rescue Bill and bring him to safety. Bill declines their offer and proclaims; “God will send me a sign!”

Several hours later, the water is now at Bill’s waist as he struggles to survive on his now submerged roof. Another police boat comes to rescue him and take him to safety. He again says “No thank-you, God will send me a sign”. A half hour later, Bill drowns.

Pondering minds wonder

Bill is shocked and says; “Why didn’t you send me a sign?”
God replies; “I sent you two boats!”

How often do we ignore the help we need in our quest for the clear path? How do we miss those signs that are there to guide us when we’re looking for guidance? How often are we quick to help others but not as swift to accept help from them in return?

The help we seek can often be right in front of us.
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Consciousness Streaming

Take from the past what you want and leave the rest. Rest assured you can do what you set your mind on accomplishing. Accomplishments are not just monetary.

Money and relationships are not related. Relating to those around you can help you better understand yourself. Selfishness does not have to come at the expense of others. Other points of view can often help clear your path.

Pathways to success are rarely straight. Straightening your focus is a daily exercise. Exercise your right to your own success. Succeeding is measured by your standards and those who matter won't mind.

Mindfulness can calm the storm. Storm in and take control of your life.

Life is finite; let's live it.
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Fits Like a Glove

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Up Downside

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure.

P2P

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment adviser who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world. We can talk about the multi-generational workplace another time.

Labels are good for clothing not people.
__________________________________________________________________

Labels and People

I'm an extrovert introvert who enjoys collaborating in team and group environments but also needs and enjoys some chill time on my own to recharge. I’m an ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) which means I focus on intuition and external connections. But there is a strong internal piece which is key to process how I feel about things and how they fit into my value system.

I live in the world of possibilities – which can trip me up on follow through – but I see life as a gift and literally wake up every day looking forward to the possibilities. I have my share of down times and self-doubt which again is typical of someone driven by emotion and connection.

Mix it up

When I look at the 20 or so people I spend the most time with, it’s a mix, which is typical of an ENFP as I get energy from others and the varied traits they bring. And some of the closest people in my life are actually introverts. If you know one or are one, you know the label isn't completely accurate. The ones in my life are incredibly personable, engaging, and funny. Introvert means shy and withdrawn and I disagree with those broad labels.

I have a colleague who is an introvert and prefers to solve issues at work one-on-one in plain language through conversation and collaboration while her boss wants every report in triplicate to outline the effectiveness of the analysis of the plan. One gets energy from relationships while the other can’t operate without reports and structure. Sadly, the highest ranking official wins the day and the organization loses an opportunity for both to thrive.

Person to Person

One of my best friends – who is definitely an extrovert – is a very successful investment advisor who does most of his work on the phone or with clients rather than sitting in his office doing paperwork. His energy comes from being with and helping people and he does it all day long.

So if you have someone on your team who isn't like you, celebrate that, celebrate them, and get to know their way, their perspective, and their view on the world.

Teamwork and culture are not achieved by insisting everyone homogenizes into one sanitized process but rather by respecting personality traits and gifts. The combination can be magical which is why open collaborative leadership is critical.

Labels are for clothing not people.
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Are You Selling or Solving?

Think about the last time you walked into a store and the clerk was on you from the second your foot crossed their front door. You probably quickly told them you were just looking because your personal space was crushed by someone trying to sell you something even though you were in their store.

Now imagine you're at a networking event and you meet John who shoves his card in your hand before you can say hello. You can feel yourself backing up and scanning the room for a few gulps of fresh air, a lifeline, a way out. Despite being at an event where you are trying to meet potential customers, clients or partners, John's approach is a bit much so you recoil. You quickly realize the room is full of two types of people - sellers and those who are too scared to sell.

Beyond the Elevator

Everyone tells you that you need to get out there and meet people, shake hands, let them know you’re looking and what you offer. Yet few people enjoy networking. It can be intimidating to try and 'sell yourself' in a room void of buyers. Most shun those who pitch their offer on the social web yet I'm unaware of anyone who can pay their bills with followers and a better Klout score.

Perhaps if I was painter, it would be easier to explain. My passion to provide business solutions to owners and managers who want to become better leaders and improve their people and revenue. The process isn't easy to define because it changes with each situation. When you look closer at your offer, you may say the same.

Beyond the Title

We need to know how best to explain what we stand for and how we help others. Even the painter does more than slap paint on a wall. She may enhance the feel of the office while it blends with the dark cherry desk and black leather chair.

So before walking in a room to sell your wares or greet new customers in your space, figure out how you can help them and the process may be smoother. This isn't an issue exclusive to service providers and small business owners.

Even large enterprise stumbles on this stuff.
__________________________________________________________________

When is Right?

I was sifting through old notes and saw two quotes that were well timed. Karen Lamb said a year from now you will wish you had started today while Jim Rohn said if you really want to do something, you'll find a way, if you don't, you'll find an excuse.

We all have ideas we don’t act on. We may be waiting for the best time, more money, or permission. We may be out of excuses and left with one option.

The best time is right now.
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Defined by Busy

There are meetings and family commitments and chores and email and deadlines and calls and stress and projects and the list continues. We are busy people doing busy things keeping busy with our busy lives being busy.

Years ago, I worked with a mentor who compared the work we were doing in a larger city next to when he lived in a smaller urban area. He said; “Sure this is a busier place, but I’m not convinced people are getting any more done.”

Technology Tether

We have devices that can share information across the planet in seconds. There are virtual teaming solutions that shrink the globe. We have no shortage of ways to connect to each other. But do we really need to check our smartphones every waking moment in case we get an email we'll ignore because we're far too busy for that.

If you think if you can cram more into today than you did yesterday without paying much attention to any of it and grow your business, good luck. If you put the phone and busy away from a moment and enhance the relationships around you, I like your chances.

Maybe not, you're probably busy.
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