Vän Friends Amie

When I was younger, friends were the people you hung out with, went to parties with, played sports with, worked with, and you didn't overthink. Hey you like hockey? Me too. Let's hang out. You saw them all the time; you knew who your friends were.  

Some of the people I was closest to are no longer part of my everyday life and I'm not in their life. We've moved on; met other people; traveled other journeys. I wonder how my buddy Andy is doing these days. We were hooked at the shoulder for all those road hockey games and listening to new albums. Then we grew up and did life stuff. But if we bumped into each other tomorrow, I suspect we'd have awesome stories to share!  

Ageless connections 

I’ve also made great friends later in life. Some started as colleagues or clients and, somewhere along the way, became people I genuinely care about. My circle has changed over the years. I'm sure yours has as well. I'm lucky to know a handful of people who know me, make me laugh, tell me when I'm being an idiot, and are somehow happy to sit around a table for a couple of hours and share time.

That's what I appreciate about real friendship. You don't have to perform or keep score. You just know. And after all these years, I'm grateful for the people I know. 

 I hope you are too.

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Priorities and Aging

I’ve noticed my priorities have changed a lot over the years. What mattered most in my 20s doesn’t carry the same weight today, and I suspect you’ve felt that too. Life has a way of reshaping what feels urgent versus what feels meaningful. What was SO important years ago barely makes a blip now.

Research shows that as we age, our values and goals naturally shift. A 2017 study in Psychology and Aging found that older adults tend to focus more on meaningful experiences and relationships, while younger adults emphasize exploration.

Small Shifts Create Big Clarity

Even small adjustments in priorities can make a big difference. The same study found that people who consciously reflected on what mattered most experienced less stress and greater satisfaction. Taking time to list our top priorities can help us act intentionally instead of reacting to every demand or distraction.

When priorities feel unclear, it helps to ask, “Does this align with what matters most to me?” Research from Developmental Psychology shows that aligning decisions with personal values increases well-being and long-term satisfaction. Pausing to reflect before saying yes to something can save time, energy, and emotional strain.

Patterns Reveal What Matters

Tracking how we spend our time and energy helps us spot what consistently feels rewarding versus draining. Awareness of these patterns allows us to focus on what truly contributes to growth, relationships, and fulfillment, rather than what just seems urgent in the moment.

Even as priorities shift with age, we can stay intentional about what matters most. And what's important today may not be years from now.

Let's make today count.

Leadership To-Do List

Allow others to inspire. Find the how. Get out of their way. Be present even during challenging times. Have clear expectations. Don't expect to ever have all the answers.

Helping others is a privilege. Back your people up. Be bold. Never stop learning. Open door policies are for those who mean it. Don’t hide behind busy. It’s their career too.

Be inquisitive. 

Invest at least half of your time helping people. Hire passion. A team is more than celebrating victories. Don’t be a boss. Listen. Don’t hide when your people need you.

Grow their strengths. 

Let them shine. Be fair. Get to know what motivates everyone on your team. Seek guidance from those who are committed to helping you grow. Customer service begins with you. Never settle. Understand that it will be the most rewarding work you’ll ever have the privilege to do.

And it won't be listed on your business card.

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How About Now?

There's never a good time to buy a new house. It's not the right time to have a baby. I'd be better to wait a bit longer and not take the gig. She will probably say no, so it's better I don't bother. We often look for reasons not to do something, which we discuss in greater detail in a future post, than just go for it. 

I was speaking with a good buddy the other day and this subject must have come up a dozen times in a phone call that lasted less than half an hour. He's working on a new business venture and deciding what moves to make now and what to push to the future. In each case, doing it later seemed like the wise decision. 

Deciding to Decide 

The late legendary musician Neil Peart of the band Rush once wrote; "There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance. A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill."

Even if we decide to defer something until later, we have made a decision. But why does it often seem easier to put things off? Well, I think one reason might be that we don't have to deal with the consequence of our decision. But as Peart reminds us, then we have to deal with the fallout of not making the call.

Daily Choices

We make a thousand decisions each day from what we'll have to breakfast to whether or not to buy that new car and a multitude in between. So this theory may ring true with you - there's actually never a good time to do anything. Other than breathing, ensuring we drink enough water, and eat enough food to sustain life, the rest are decisions. 

We could sell all our stuff and move to a cabin in the woods. We could quit our jobs and start our own business. We could throw some clothes in a duffle bag and hitchhike across the country. We could do something on the "some day" list. We could decide not to let our lack of decision be our fate.  

But let's decide that later.  

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Mindful Nothing

We live busy lives often being busy doing busy things with others getting busy on busy tasks. But how often do we take time for think time or better yet, do nothing?

Andy Puddicombe is the co-founder of Headspace, a project that aims to demystify meditation and make it applicable to everyday life. He is a Clinical Meditation Consultant and former Buddhist monk.

For more than a decade, Andy’s meditation training took him all over the world. He became a fully ordained monk at a Tibetan Monastery in the Indian Himalayas. In his TEDTalk, Puddicombe explains the importance of making time to do nothing.


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Costa Rico or Costco?

I do wake up at 4am wondering if my life is fulfilled. It may not be the same time on the clock for you, but I'm going to guess I'm not alone. I worked with a guy early in my career who was instrumental in my professional development. He was awesome, in fact. And he passed away last year. He was about 15 years older than me and now I'm thinking about what will I do in the next decade and a half that will matter. 

I get lost. I get scared. Sometimes I don't know what to do next. Occasionally I forget that I do have gifts to give the world and just to keep going. I can say the same for you. There are times when I wonder if it will all work out. Of course, worrying with no action won't get me anywhere, so I give myself a mental kick in the backside and keep going. 

What Have We Learned? 

I spoke with a colleague this week I hadn't spoken with in probably a decade. She and her partner are thinking seriously about dumping their careers, selling their house, getting rid of most of their stuff, and moving to Costa Rica to help others. That's so cool and brave. 

I don't suggest we have to go to those lengths to find happiness, but doing the same crap we've been doing for the last couple of decades may not be working either. So yeah, there are early mornings when I wonder what I could be doing to better my life and the lives of others. And that's okay because I will be more worried when I stop thinking about those things. 

You?

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Pablo's Pen

To anyone’s measurement, Pablo Picasso was one of the most talented artists of all time. His complicated life mixed with inspired work continues to make him a fascinating subject to study and learn about. 

As legend has it, Pablo and a friend were having lunch one day and one of the other patrons recognized the great master. After some hesitation, she approached him with a napkin. She asked Picasso if he would take a moment and do a quick drawing for her. 

 He said it would cost one million dollars. Shocked, she questioned why a simple drawing would be that much. Picasso replied that it took him thirty years to perfect his talent and it is not free. 

We shouldn't put a price on every moment of the day, and none of us is Picasso, but we should be careful not to always give away our experience simply because it would take just a minute to share it. 

Free is rarely free. 

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Checkng the List

I recently found this list I posted back in 2011. If we review, I think we find that all of these are still valid and some are even more important twelve years later.

Read more, skim less. Turn your phone off once in a while. Don't wait for approval. 

Forget the past. Spend more time with people you love. Dream big; do bigger. Be gracious. Make quick decisions. Stop comparing your effort to others. Enjoy the ride.

Stop doing anything that weakens you. Trust yourself. Take a digital day off.

Keep an open mind. Plan ahead then be flexible. Ask for help. Help someone without their knowledge it was you who helped them.

Go for it. Eradicate unnecessary meetings. Eat the cookie. Listen more. Sing often.

Say thank-you. Trust your gut. Make time for think time. Don't wait.

Find the lesson. Keep learning. Thank a friend. Take the nap.

Don’t settle. Collaborate. Consume more funny. Good enough is not good enough.

Be yourself.

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It's Not The Right Time...

There's never a good time to buy a new house. It's not the right time to have a baby. I'd be better to wait a bit longer and not take the gig. She will probably say no, so it's better I don't bother. We often look for reasons not to do something, which we discuss in greater detail in a future post, than just go for it. 

I was speaking with a good buddy the other day and this subject must have come up a dozen times in a phone call that lasted less than half an hour. He's working on a new business venture and deciding what moves to make now and what to push to the future. In each case, doing it later seemed like the wise decision. 

Deciding to Decide 

The late legendary musician Neil Peart of the band Rush once wrote; "There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance. A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill."

Even if we decide to defer something until later, we have made a decision. But why does it often seem easier to put things off? Well, I think one reason might be that we don't have to deal with the consequence of our decision. But as Peart reminds us, then we have to deal with the fallout of not making the call.

Daily Choices

We make a thousand decisions each day from what we'll have to breakfast to whether or not to buy that new car and a multitude in between. So this theory may ring true with you - there's actually never a good time to do anything. Other than breathing, ensuring we drink enough water, and eat enough food to sustain life, the rest are decisions. 

We could sell all our stuff and move to a cabin in the woods. We could quit our jobs and start our own business. We could throw some clothes in a duffle bag and hitchhike across the country. We could do something on the "some day" list. We could decide not to let our lack of decision be our fate.  

But let's decide that later.  

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Where Are You Right Now?

The world keeps getting faster and we keep adding gadgets and technology to make it easier which gives us more reasons to stay busier and less time for each other. The pandemic has created more Zoom calls than human connection. We're answering emails at all hours like hamsters on a wheel. There are days when I finally take a moment to look at a clock and it's 4pm. Where did the day go? I love my work but I don't seem to take a breath to gain perspective some days.

I once had a boss who traveled the country to meet with managers like me but was never really in the city he was located in at the time. During our meetings, his face was buried in his smartphone. He would fidget in his chair like a petulant three year old. His eyes would dart back and forth. He pretended to pay attention but it was clear he was somewhere else. The man couldn't sit still for a two seconds.

Busy Being Busy

Years ago, a friend moved to a much larger city. I asked him if he noticed the pace had increased and he said people seemed busier but he was unsure they were getting any more accomplished. A while back, I had a bit of a cold that lasted a few days. I tried to keep up with work but I had one critical realization; the world didn't fall apart because I wasn't answering emails within seconds. I'm not curing world hunger.

Let's heed the wise words of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes; "We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

Sage advice from a cartoon kid.

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Don't Be a Boss

Allow others to inspire. Find the how. Get out of their way. Be present even during challenging times. Have clear expectations. Don't expect to ever have all the answers. 

Helping others is a privilege. Back your people up. Be bold. Never stop learning. Open door policies are for those who mean it. Don’t hide behind busy. It’s their career too. 

 Be inquisitive. 

Invest at least half of your time helping people. Hire passion. A team is more than celebrating victories. Don’t be a boss. Listen. Don’t hide when your people need you. 

Grow their strengths. Let them shine. Be fair. Get to know what motivates everyone on your team. Seek guidance from those who are committed to helping you grow. Customer service begins with you. Never settle. Understand that it will be the most rewarding work you’ll ever have the privilege to do. 

 And it won't be listed on your business card. __________________________________________________________________

Doing Nothing

We live busy lives often being busy doing busy things with others getting busy on busy tasks. But how often do we take time for think time or better yet, do nothing?

Andy Puddicombe is the co-founder of Headspace, a project that aims to demystify meditation and make it applicable to everyday life. He is a Clinical Meditation Consultant and former Buddhist monk.

For more than a decade, Andy’s meditation training took him all over the world. He became a fully ordained monk at a Tibetan Monastery in the Indian Himalayas. In his TEDTalk, Puddicombe explains the importance of making time to do nothing.


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Got a Pen?

To anyone’s measurement, Pablo Picasso was one of the most talented artists of all time. His complicated life mixed with inspired work continues to make him a fascinating subject to study and learn about.

As legend has it, Pablo and a friend were having lunch one day and one of the other patrons recognized the great master. After some hesitation, she approached him with a napkin. She asked Picasso if he would take a moment and do a quick drawing for her.

He said it would cost one million dollars.

Shocked, she questioned why a simple drawing would be that much. Picasso replied that it took him thirty years to perfect his talent and it is not free.

We shouldn't put a price on every moment of the day, and none of us is Picasso, but we should be careful not to always give away our experience simply because it would take just a minute to share it.

Free isn't the best price.
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Walk Away and Ask for Help

Have you ever felt yourself shut down and think no solution seemed plausible? There never seems to be enough time, money, resources, people, sunlight, matching socks, peace and quiet, food, good shows on TV, shelter, budget, gas in the tank. Though new socks every morning would be sweet!

At times, we put ourselves into a corner and begin to read the new reality as our only choice. "We have no budget for that" replaces "is this a good idea?"

Maybe it's time to replace no’s with some how’s. 
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What are Your Thoughts?

The late Princeton philosopher and author Walter Kaufmann coined the phrase decidophobia to describe those who would rather leave the deciding to some authority. Kaufmann opined that once a decidophobe relinquishes, they will accept anything argued by that authority. We can call it "the boss is always right" syndrome.

She's a thought leader; he's a thinker; they're the idea team. All crutches we create to stop us from contributing to the process. We all have ideas that are valuable and if you are in a leadership role, open the doors a little wider and let those ideas in because there's brilliance waiting to be seen. Maybe we all can be decidophobes?

Two hundred years ago there was no Internet. A century ago we didn't have interactive technology built into the steering wheels of cars. And unless you share it, we will never enjoy what you have been thinking about which could change the world.

Let’s do big and stop over thinking.
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Random Thoughts

Surround yourself with smart people. Quality not quantity. Remove negative people from your life. Have a flexible strategy. Avoid playing favorites. Follow your passion. Believe in you. Do what you say you will do. Recognize the efforts of everyone on your team.

Disconnect at least once a day. Don't pull rank. Take one think day every month. Pay it forward. Read and seek knowledge daily. Imagine often. Never stop learning.
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Busy or Busy Being Busy?

The world keeps getting faster and we keep adding gadgets and technology to make it easier which gives us more reasons to stay busier and less time for each other.

I once had a boss who traveled the country to meet with managers but was never really in the city he was located in at the time. During our meetings, his face was buried in his smartphone. He would squirm in his chair. His eyes would dart back and forth. He pretended to pay attention. He couldn't sit still for a minute.

Wait a minute...

Then I realized that he answered my emails when he was elsewhere pretending to be present in that meeting. If you live on your smart phone, it becomes increasingly difficult not to telegraph to others you are ignoring their emails when you fail to respond.

Years ago, a friend moved to a much larger city. I asked him if he noticed the pace had increased and he simply said people seemed busier but he was unsure they were getting more accomplished.

Some wise words from Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes; "We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."
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Never Stop Learning.

Surround yourself with smart people. Quality not quantity. Remove negative people from your life. Have a flexible strategy. Avoid playing favorites.

Follow your passion. Never stand for dishonesty.

Believe in you. Do what you say you will do. Recognize the efforts of everyone on your team. Disconnect at least once a day. Don't pull rank. Take one think day every month. Pay it forward.

Read and seek knowledge daily. Imagine often.
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How Does That Work?

We live in a plug-in-play world. The gadget comes with an instructional manual but few of us take the time to read it. Our collective impatience is too strong. We want to open the box and start using it. If there’s a problem, we’ll call someone or research the answer online. But what do we do when we can’t figure out how people work?

There is no owner’s manual with human interaction and relationships. Decades of experience can only give us a guide but each person is wired and motivated differently. We can’t simply apply one rule for all yet often the business world tries to do just that.

People are Complex

You hear claims such as; “millennials behave this way” or “women 25-49 don’t like that” which are a generalizations. Marketing companies try and predict habits and companies attempt to guide behavior. No two people in history are identical.

If you have kids, you may have taught them how to ride a bike. At first, you put on training wheels, and then over time you raised them off the ground so your child could slowly learn how to balance.

Then the day came when the training wheels were removed. You may have stood nervously as they started to pedal off without your help or the help of two extra wheels. That’s trust in them, the system, and yourself. You gave them the tools but eventually had to let them find their way. Take time to find their motivation

Or you may never know how the gadget works.
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Ready, Set, Go...

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to tackle a new task or refine an idea or meet a deadline but been unsure where to begin? That’s obviously rhetorical because we all have but the trick is how we successfully get out of that first key step to move forward.

It’s often been said leadership is about results but those results have to begin with an idea that must be advanced and refined before we can deliver it. But how much think time do we allow in our day to even get any of done? Our biggest hurdle is often us and in our inability to get started.

Here are some ideas to get us moving forward.

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
Henry Ward Beecher

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
Buddha

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Walter Elliott

Now is the operative word. Everything you put in your way is just a method of putting off the hour when you could actually be doing your dream.
Barbara Sher

The beginning is the most important part of the work.
Plato

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today
and make a new ending.
Maria Robinson

The idea that wins is the one with the most fearless heretic behind it.
Seth Godin

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Chinese Proverb

The starting point of all achievement is desire.
Napoleon Hill

I haven't failed. I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
Thomas Edison

Even though the future seems far away, it is actually beginning right now.
Mattie Stepanek

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.
Anne Frank

Let's start!
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