Your Important is Important

I was in a situation last week where three of us were out for lunch. One buddy is going through a horrific divorce and the other friend doesn't know him all that well. Cue the awkward when friend number two decides to drop into friend number one's situation (which has been going on for two years) and lob a bunch of advice. Suffice it to say, the lunch ended abruptly. 

Hey, intentionally or unintentionally, we all do it and often we don't mean it. We want to help, offer some advice, and without proper context, purpose solutions. The most difficult challenge in the human condition is our emotional health. 

What makes you doubtful might not register on my radar. Which gets us back to the compassion of others. So, let's try it this week. Ask someone how they are doing and wait for the answer.

You might help someone more than you know. __________________________________________________________________

Shame is No Friend of Mine

If you got a call from a friend or loved one who asked you to help them as they had just broken their arm, what would you do? You would obviously drop what you were doing, drive to their location, and take them to the hospital.  

Here's another scenario. What would you do if that same friend or loved one called you to say they were having some emotional issues? Dr. Sangu Delle shares his story about a dear friend who needed his help. 

_________________________________________________________________

Change is Gonna Come ...For You

Change is a concept that seems to drive us, win elections, looks great on a coffee mug, and creates stress. 

We hear the word and feel two immediate and visceral responses: things will improve for us and everyone will need to change but us. Things need to change; I'm fine!

 We love the idea of it; the cozy non-committal nature of talking about it. It's as if the world was covered in magic dust and all is well. "They need to change." "We need to bring about change." "Change is gonna come." It all sounds so good. 

 Someday does not appear on the calendar 

 To most, change is about control and standing still while others make the shift. You may be one who thrives on change but be careful when you want to instill it on others. They too may like the theory but will define it to fit their own convenience. 

Who among us admits to be part of the problem? We want things to change but often under our rules and our guidelines. And whenever you include anything or anyone outside of your own mind, the grip must be loosened or collaboration is a challenge. 

 Actual change verses talking about change is the key.

Life's Simple Lesson

Our minds are filled with a myriad emotions, thoughts, and distractions. AI is here to save the day, end the earth, change humans, we don't know. There are millions who won't eat today. Senseless bullies causing famine and death. And we don't even know what to say, think, do, that won't offend someone. 

I am fortunate to be in the top 1% living in a top 1% country - an awesome place called Canada. Some days I want to help everyone; others I want to hide under the covers. Did our ancestors feel this way during world wars? Has technology changed to protect the narrative? Or are we dealing with first world problems? 

Some of the best advice I've ever gotten is to just do something that will help someone. You aren't solving word hunger; but you can help one person. Lend a hand in some way to someone may be the message we need to hear most.

It's worth a try.

__________________________________________________________________

Want Next What

You've said it; you’ve heard it; you’ve been asked it - what do you want? It’s a huge question and most of us have a list. It’s too much to ask. I want to be financially stable. I want a puppy. I want to have millions. I want to retire. I want to live in a lakefront mansion and sip iced tea all day.

We all dream of winning the lottery. We all let our minds wander to places where we perceive our problems will vanish and life will be endless bliss. It's like the old story of the nine year old boy who is once asked; "So Sam, what do you want to be when you grow up?" and Sam quickly replies; "I wanna be rich!" 

Tougher Done Than Said

It took me years to grasp the concept of the fear of success. It sounded counterintuitive. The fear of failure, to me, is easy to understand. You don't want to fall on your face or run out of money or have to give up things you have your life. The embarrassment of failing is terrible. But, what about our fear of what we will do if what we try actually works? How will you handle the responsibility of that dream coming true?

The marketing genius Seth Godin once challenged that it's easier to fail small. Complaining about the fact we never amount to anything or we're not meant to win or no one ever gives us a break, is way easier than the unwavering persistence required to achieve something we want.

It's Way Too Big

In my opinion, it's easy to say you want a Bugatti Veyron because odds are pretty good it will never happen. It's much more difficult to identify the small shifts we need to make every day to get to the bigger dreams we possess. My business partner and I have been working on a project for close to a year. There are days we wonder if we are out of our minds. But each day, you push a bit more, ask a little bit more, and keep at it. Giving up now will only make us forever wonder what if we had kept going. 

You have dreams. You have things you want to accomplish. You have stuff that may feel a little out of reach. But I'm willing to bet if you suspend those for just today and think about what you could do right now to get what you need right now or your next want, over time, those bigger things will come clearer into focus. 

Let's try that and see what happens.

__________________________________________________________________

Dinner by Committee

If you have worked a day in your life, it is fairly safe to say you have worked alongside others. In some cases, those experiences have been enjoyable while others have not. You may have had to endure an arrogant selfish boss while other situations have been filled with giving collaborative coworkers.

We seem to enjoy looking at things “on paper” but they get all wobbly when we add the human element and often it’s because we are unclear about the mandate. Often there is a struggle among conflicting agendas or someone comes in and plays the “I’m the boss” card. None of these scenarios are effective, productive, or long lasting business success models. However, sadly they are far too common.

But what happens when you ask a group of people to build a structure out of spaghetti, string, and a bag of marshmallows?


__________________________________________________________________

P is for People

Anyone in marketing can recite the four P's which are product, price, placement, and promotion. But how do the four P's apply to company culture and leadership? 

Practice 

Have you ever been to a sporting event or seen a live play or concert? Have you watched a great movie? Do you have any experience meeting someone else who is successful in business? Do you find motivation from people who show talent and prowess in a particular discipline? In each case, someone spent years honing their skills to make it appear effortless. Yet we are quick to criticize from the comfort of our 20oz beer mug in the 300 level. Now think about your skill set and what you can bring to any situation. Did you learn and execute all you know immediately? 

Patience 

If you enjoy writing, reading a good book may give you more determination to work on your own novel. You may know someone who went back to school and emerged with a whole new career path. Seeing others succeed may give you reason to study their process to improve your business. 

Persistence 

It requires working nights and weekends, writing ideas on scraps of paper you later find in the laundry, networking well, reading incessantly while life blends with work. No successful person in history has gotten it right the first time. And no one does it alone.

Play 

There are many ways to be successful. What's important is to be organized and have a strategic plan. It is equally essential not to settle for good enough - that's what the other guys do. It's critical not to rest on the past or think we have all the answers, that's where danger resides. And it's okay to get a little messy once in a while, take some chances. 

Let's add a fifth – Purpose. __________________________________________________________________

More Useless Facts

It's been a while, so let's do another list of useless facts that will not get you the job, impress potential partners, or get you that awesome gig at the AI development firm.

But they are fun nonetheless;

Earth's rotation is changing speed. It's actually slowing, and this means that, on average, the length of a day increases by around 1.8 seconds per century. C'mon, I don't have all second!

Allodoxaphobia is the fear of other people's opinions. It's a rare social phobia characterized by an irrational and overwhelming fear of what other people think. So keep your opinion to yourself.

M&Ms are named after the businessmen who created them. Forrest Mars and Bruce Murrie. Just a few handfuls for me, thanks.

The world's longest walking distance is 14,000 miles. You can walk from Magadan in Russia to Cape Town in South Africa. It requires no flying or sailing—just bridges and open roads. Bring comfy shoes.

A jiffy is an actual unit of time. It's 1/100th of a second. And a peanut butter brand.

The shortest commercial flight in the world takes place in Scotland. Regional airline Loganair flies between the islands Westray and Papa Westray. The journey is just 1.7 miles and takes 90 seconds. Baggage claim is about 90 minutes.

There are more than 1,000 types of bananas growing in the world. These can then be divided into 50 categories. Gonna need a bigger freezer.

__________________________________________________________________

Flight Fear Fight

In my experience, if we are currently faced with something we think we can’t accomplish, we can get clear on what we want, what drives us, and what makes us happy. Then we ask those around us for help, or we freeze in fear and nothing gets done.

The word selfish was always a tough one for me. It conjured up images of self-centered people who would take for themselves at the expense of others. These were loud arrogant people who would think nothing of walking over someone for their own gain. But the word selfish also means being self-aware and self-seeking.

Let's Dig Deeper

To seek more of one’s self is to get to the core and underlying meaning of our existence. And while we get clearer on who we are and what we want, the challenge is not in saying yes but rather in saying no to things that weaken our purpose. 

I've discovered it can be helpful to find a quiet place to focus on what is important. Finding that quite place in this busy lizard brain is my challenge. Allowing gratitude for those who help takes practice. There are people in our lives right now who want to help. 

 We just need to pay attention and accept their help.
__________________________________________________________________

Stress and a Couch

Merriam-Webster defines stress as to cause or experience physical or emotional tension. It's not an object we can put in our hand or pour into a glass. It's felt on an emotional level, but it can be just as real as a punch in the face. A lot of people are talking and writing about stress these days. A global pandemic will do that.   

You have family and career and health and finances and deadlines and all the other items on your list called your life. The layers seep into each other and affect the results of everything. If you're stressed about the health of a loved one, your work is probably going to take a second seat. If you have financial issues, your family may suffer.  

Real or Imagined? 

You have a deadline for today. A client is waiting and it absolutely has to be delivered. That's stress. Add to that, your boss has called you four times to remind you of the deadline and adds revisions each time. That's added stress. Your partner calls and your child is sick. Then the client calls and wants to ditch the whole idea and start over. That's about when you're ready to throw your laptop. 

I have mentioned this several hundred times on this site, but if I talk about self-inflicted, self-doubt, or self-stress, I know of it only too well. That's where we get into the weeds, as my business partner would say. The client has changed the scope, the kid has the sniffles, and your boss has added useless additions to the deck that is now scrapped.

Reversed Delegation 

A former boss walked into my office one morning just to say hi and see how was I doing. He could tell I was stressed. He asked me what the issues were and if he could help. I admitted I simply had too much on my plate and I didn't want to miss a deadline. 

I usually have a written to-do list next to my laptop and he asked to see it. He grabbed a pen and started putting a line through a lot of the items and handed it back. But I needed to know how he could just arbitrarily take stuff on my list. 

Their List 

He said he had been in most of the meetings where the items were raised, but for some reason I had added them to my to-do list. He told me to send them back to the people who came up with them, ask them to flush them out, and bring them back to me with more ideas of how to accomplish them. He said most of the items will disappear. He told me I was suffering from a serious ailment – reverse delegation.  

The lesson for me was that real deadlines can cause stress but self-created ones that shouldn't be on our list only complicate our lives. Stress is part of life's recipe but we don't need to add any unnecessary ingredients. We can discuss not making everything on our to-do list a top priority in another post. 

Stress is part of life. Adding more than necessary isn't required.

 _____________________________________________________________

Return Policy

It's been widely reported that the difference between us and the rest of the animal kingdom is apposable thumbs and the ability to reason. And wouldn't it be so much easier if that was the only difference?

We human types are complicated creatures and I suspect our reasoning minds add way more complication than is required to live a successful and contented life. We want more money to buy more things; we want to climb company ladders to achieve bigger titles; we want a nicer house than Bob across the street; the list is endless and most of it is useless to finding happiness or contentment. 

More More More

When we get our first apartment, it's usually filled with hand-me-downs from our parents or family. I think I was well into my 20's before I purchased my very own set of new cutlery (silverware) which went nicely with my very own set of new dishes and cups. 

Fast forward many years and many moves and many sets of dinnerware, and now I have stuff I actually don't even remember buying and why is that? Are we seeking something we can never catch? Is last year's car not good enough for us? Do we really need that food processor that will grate cheese in seconds?

Less is More

I think one of the sources of our unhappiness is that we have no clue what we want or what we'll do when we find it. I recently had to return some items I bought online because they were the wrong size. As I was dropping them off at the courier place, I realized two things – I didn't need the items and have no intention of re-ordering different sizes. What is that? Boredom? I'm not sure.

I guess we can make the case for just about any decision. That's why you can buy a McLaren supercar in hot pink. Our reasoning minds aren't always sound in their decisions. So while we search for something we'll never find, perhaps figuring out what we need and dumping the rest is a good first start?

 Perhaps my parents' old couch was all I needed?

   __________________________________________________________________

Hope So

It’s been often said that hope is not a strategy but I wonder if we should automatically throw it out. Hope pushes us forward; it keeps our minds active toward potential results and solutions. As we get to the end of our lives, regret can be one of the worst emotions we can feel, so as long as there is hope, we can carry on.

This is not to suggest we can survive simply on hope because without effort and action, it will be an empty exercise. However, if we remain hopeful, we will keep trying to find solutions, relationships, business concepts, and career choices.

In Other Words

Synonyms for hope include; confidence, courage, anticipation, faith, and optimism.

If we replace any of those words when we feel we are looking at what we want, perhaps it can change our perspective. And if evidence becomes overwhelming that hope for a certain outcome isn’t going to go our way, we should find strength to keep hope in our minds and hearts for the next time around.

Time gives us experience and hope gives us life to our dreams, plans, ideas, and relationships. Life can be hard, business can be challenging, and leadership can be a struggle. If we keep our hope at the forefront, we can take our experiences and passions forward when circumstances don’t go our way.

Let's stay hopeful.
__________________________________________________________________

Stay Out of the Shallow End

Some of our most memorable experiences are unplanned. Like the time I ran into a buddy from college with whom I hadn't seen in probably fifteen years. He had gotten married, had a daughter and twin boys. His business was doing well and he had just been awarded a customer contract that was pretty much going to set him up financially for the rest of his kids' lives. 

We had coffee and caught up. He had done all these things since our silly days of college but deep down he hadn't changed a bit. I was suddenly taking stock on how I didn't have millions and he suddenly said; "So, what was it like to meet all those rock stars years ago?" I didn't have a lifetime of money in the bank or three awesome kids. 

Look at you!

He went on to tell me about my accomplishments. My college friend wasn't comparing; he was sharing. He had humility toward his success and was more interested in mine. While I was comparing bank accounts like a shallow idiot. 

We all have a story to tell. You may not think you have much to share at a college reunion, but you have done some things others may remark on. It doesn't matter if you haven't been on the radio or built a multi-million dollar company. 

Zero-sum

There will always be people richer than us, slimmer than us, younger than us, and more "successful" than us. And there will be plenty who feel that way about us. My friend said it was no contest if he ever had to choose between his business and his family. No success was worth losing them.

If we can stop comparing for a moment and cherish what we have and have done, perhaps we won't focus on scarcity but rather abundance. It was great to see my old pal again and he taught me a lot that day. 

A look oudside can give us better perspective inside

__________________________________________________________________

Two Wheels and a Trunk

I was thinking about a situation that happened a couple of years ago that sucked. Life moved on but I still think about it. I've asked numerous people if they have events they relive in their heads over and over again. The answer is almost always yes because most of us do. But why is that?

I'm not suggesting we don't relive happy memories, but the challenges seem to cut deeper for some reason. Is it perhaps because we are still learning a lesson? I know this, the more we try and not think about those events, the more we think about them. If I was to ask you to not think about an orange elephant riding a motorcycle – good luck getting that image out of your head!

Beware of the Lizard Brain

I'd consider myself a fairly smart dude, so why can't I just tell myself to stop letting something that has already happened, which I cannot change, continue to bug me? It has to do with the part of the limbic system in our brains that is in charge of fight, flight, feed, fear, or freeze. It is our survival mechanism which decides what we do next if we are experiencing stress. It's why we can't seem to get started on the project even though we know the deadline looms.

If we have a situation, current or past, real or imagined, it will react immediately. If we are experiencing or have experienced pain, it will focus solely on that moment. When I think of that event, it's as if I am reliving it over and over again. 

Negative vs Positive

Perhaps this is more prevalent in Western culture, but we seem to do it more often when remembering negative situations over joyous ones. Do we think we don't deserve joy and need to pay for pain? I'm obviously not a psychologist but I think there's something to that. Our frontal lobe is in charge of reasoning, motor skills, higher level cognition, and expressive language. So our complicated brain starts to fight with itself. 

I've started an exercise and like most when you begin, I'm terrible at it, but I'm trying to think of five positive things in my life or events that have happened whenever a negative thought or memory crosses my mind. When I can do it successfully, it actually works. So perhaps you can try it if you can't seem to get past a negative event in your past.

I wonder how the elephant balances on that motorcycle? 

__________________________________________________________________

Scaredy Cat Personified

Many opine we aren't born with fear but as we go through our lives, it seems we take less chances and become more cautious. It could be because we've experienced things that haven't gone well. It could be because we think we have more wisdom so not to make foolish choices. That voice in our head says; "let's not do that again!"

Experts have been studying this for years and in an article entitled "Decision Neuroscience: Why We Become More Cautious with Age", there is sound evidence which suggests at least part of the reason is physical. As we age, the levels of dopamine in our bodies declines. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and a hormone. It plays a role in many important body functions, including movement, memory and pleasurable reward and motivation. We might be smart but our physiological makeup does have a say in the matter without our interference. 

Age and Ageing 

So that might point to why we rolled the dice at 20 and hesitated at 50. We were born with the ability to reason but we are also made up of chemical elements that don't ask for our input and can become our biggest foe.  

I've had to make a couple of pretty significant decisions in the last few years. One of them I belabored over for weeks. I had a similar situation happen almost two decades ago and I jumped at it. I did make the move again this time but I was aware of how I gave downside more weight than opportunity. 

Hormone levels and age may make us pause a bit longer or fear a bit more but here might be an exercise worth trying. Find something small you are thinking about right now. It could literally be something so insignificant, it might not even matter next week. Take five minutes and try and think of you a decade or two ago and make the decision through that lens. You might surprise yourself.

But I'm still not bungie jumping! 

_________________________________________________________________

Time May Change Me

Change is a concept that seems to drive us, win elections, looks great on a t-shirt, and creates stress. We hear the word and feel two immediate and visceral responses: things will improve for us and everyone will need to change but us. Things need to change around here, but I'm fine!

We love the idea of it; the cozy non-committal nature of talking about it. It's as if the world was covered in magic dust and all is well. "They need to change." "We need to bring about change." "Change is gonna come." It all sounds so good, doesn't it?

Someday does not appear on the calendar

To most, change is about control and standing still while others make the shift. You may be one who thrives on change but be careful when you want to instill it on others. They too may like the theory but will define it to fit their own convenience. Who among us admits to be part of the problem?

We want things to change but often under our rules and our guidelines. And whenever you include anything or anyone outside of your own mind, the grip must be loosened or collaboration becomes a challenge. 

Actual change verses talking about change is the key. __________________________________________________________________

Life Life Balance

We say it several times a day. We meet a client, see a friend, join a Zoom call, and the first thing we often say is; "How are you?" The reply is often;"I'm good, you?". And we move on. Why do we do that? Is it uncomfortable if someone said they were tired because their baby is sick or down because of their ailing father or upset due to their marriage having trouble?

I get there is a right time and place for personal stuff but without oversharing, how can we take that original salutation just an inch farther? I'm not suggesting fake compassion; I'm referring to the real stuff. Take just twenty seconds to see how someone is doing. You aren't there to solve their challenge but rather to simply be human. We're not robots and there might be much more going on if someone isn't "making their numbers".

Leave it at home

I am lucky to work in a company and with a team who does take a moment to see how you are really doing and let you know they actually see you as a person. It doesn't weaken relationships, it strengthens them.

I feel the core of teamwork is having each other's backsides not our own. Hopefully others feel the same way. If someone is missing deadlines or their work quality is waning, it's time for a check in and see if they are truly okay. Work is not a place to spend your time talking about your kids and home life all day. We are humans not robots and if we think people shouldn't bring their life to work, we may have another challenge.

They might stop bringing their work to life. 

_________________________________________________________________

Music Power

It has the ability to evoke deep emotions and transport us to another time and place. It's an art form that has been an integral part of human culture for thousands of years, and continues to play a significant role in our lives today. The impact of music on our lives is undeniable and it can be quite personal.

Music has a way of bridging the gap between individuals and creating a sense of community. It can serve as a unifying force, breaking down cultural, linguistic, and socioeconomic barriers, and bring people together in a shared experience. Or simply a way to loosen the mood at the board meeting.

A Tool for Self-Expression 

For many musicians and songwriters, the creative process of writing and performing music is a way to convey their emotions, experiences, and perspectives to the world. It is a way for them to connect with their audience, and to inspire and empower others. 

The impact of music on our emotions is well documented. It's why music is often used in therapy, to help individuals express their feelings, heal from injuries, and work through challenging emotions. The Canadian Music Therapy Fund exists for that very reason.

Culture and Context 

Music is also an important part of our cultural heritage. From classical compositions to indigenous folk songs, music is a testament to the creativity and ingenuity of our predecessors, and serves as a reminder of the importance of preserving our cultural heritage for future generations.

Whether you're a musician, music lover, or simply someone who appreciates the power of a good tune, the impact of music on our lives is irrefutable, and we should never underestimate its ability to enrich and transform us. 

I must now crank my ear buds. _________________________________________________________________

What They Said

A choice can require additional data or more time. Members of the team need further deliberation to make an informed call. The customer has to check budget allocations. You're unsure it’s aligned with the overall strategy.

Waiting can be justified but excuses can also be the reason we wait. Some decisions require time, others aren't made because we're in the way.

We look for leadership to be decisive and crisp. It’s about helping people get better, keeping everyone on track, and getting stuff done. But it isn't always smooth in real life. How often have you finally pulled the pin and the relief quickly replaces your fear?

Some inspiration as we deliberate:

The only person you really have control over is yourself.
Deborah Reber

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.
Tony Robbins

When you make the right decision, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Caroline Kennedy

Peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.
Rita Mae Brown

Almost any decision is better than no decision at all.
Brian Tracy

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

What's your decision?
__________________________________________________________________

Next on the Want List

You've said it; you’ve heard it; you’ve been asked it - what do you want? It’s a huge question and most of us have a list. It’s too much to ask. I want to be financially stable. I want a puppy. I want to have millions. I want to retire. I want to live in a lakefront mansion and sip iced tea all day.

We all dream of winning the lottery. We all let our minds wander to places where we perceive our problems will vanish and life will be endless bliss. It's like the old story of the nine year old boy who is once asked; "So Sam, what do you want to be when you grow up?" and Sam quickly replies; "I wanna be rich!" 

Tougher Done Than Said

It took me years to grasp the concept of the fear of success. It sounded counterintuitive. The fear of failure, to me, is easy to understand. You don't want to fall on your face or run out of money or have to give up things you have your life. The embarrassment of failing is terrible. But, what about our fear of what we will do if what we try actually works? How will you handle the responsibility of that dream coming true?

The marketing genius Seth Godin once challenged that it's easier to fail small. Complaining about the fact we never amount to anything or we're not meant to win or no one ever gives us a break, is way easier than the unwavering persistence required to achieve something we want.

It's Way Too Big

In my opinion, it's easy to say you want a Bugatti Veyron because odds are pretty good it will never happen. It's much more difficult to identify the small shifts we need to make every day to get to the bigger dreams we possess. My business partner and I have been working on a project for close to a year. There are days we wonder if we are out of our minds. But each day, you push a bit more, ask a little bit more, and keep at it. Giving up now will only make us forever wonder what if we had kept going. 

You have dreams. You have things you want to accomplish. You have stuff that may feel a little out of reach. But I'm willing to bet if you suspend those for just today and think about what you could do right now to get what you need right now or your next want, over time, those bigger things will come clearer into focus. 

Let's try that and see what happens.

__________________________________________________________________